“I want peace and quiet. You disgusting little anthropoids promised me some peace and quiet, didn’t you?”

“yes, sir.”

“Do you remember what I said I’d do if I didn’t get peace and quiet?”

“you said you’d kill us all to death.”

“That’s right.”

— Lord Phaeton in Mumsie's Bar, Gwimbear

“Don’t look, Ethel!”

In a week of remarkably stupid things, this may set the record:

Krugman: Only Pelosi and Fed chairman can save the economy

Please, for the sake of your sanity, do not click the link. If Nancy Pelosi were truly our only hope, the World As We Know It would be lost forever.

Evening update

Monterey County joined the ranks of the sheltered-in-place today. I didn’t notice until just now, since I never check local news. It had no effect on the pizza guy I generously tipped (who was in mask and gloves; food-service grade, but better than just grabbing a sawdust mask at Home Depot…); quick delivery, although I expect he’ll get busier over the next three weeks, unless they rescind it early.

The FAQ that went along with this order stresses that people should buy groceries and supplies in normal amounts, since all the stores are staying open and receiving regular stock. I suspect that will continue to fall on deaf ears.

Got bread?

Corona-chan’s Vortex Of Panic™ has no power over me. I have a Zojirushi bread machine and I’m not afraid to use it!

Not shown in use (you’re welcome): Toto Washlet electronic bidet seat, my other weapon against out-of-stock staple goods. One bulk pack of toilet paper lasts me a very long time now.

I wanted one of these after my first trip to Japan in 2007, but it took quite a few years for Toto to build up their US distribution, and I refused to go with off-brand or imported conversion kits. If I’m going to place electricity and water in close proximity to my genitals, I insist on the best.

Civilization is saved!

Eggos are back on the shelves after last night’s restocking!

There was actually some bread left in stock this afternoon, but I have a bread machine, and it makes a better product. I really only went out for pizza cheese and pepperoni, having decided to treat myself after the adorable news that all of Silicon Valley is under a shelter-in-place order as of midnight tonight.

This actually has some impact on me, even though I don’t live in any of the affected counties, since I was planning to go to the office tomorrow for unrelated reasons.

Agnes-chan doesn’t have the same ring to it…

Masks and hand sanitizer were clearly not being applied to the right body parts here.

On the subject of media-induced panic buying, my neighbor reported last night that the local Safeway has started closing three hours early so they can stock the shelves in peace, and not have roving hordes of zombies circling the aisles, waiting to pounce on pallets before they can be unloaded.

Also, she said that there’s no bread, eggs, or milk on the shelves, but tons of fruit, vegetables, cheese, frozen dinners, breakfast cereal, Easter candy, soda, etc, and people have bought out all the canned goods not marked organic, vegan, or Progresso. She did manage to find an overlooked display shelf with small jars of Jif peanut butter, which she considered a real score.

I didn’t ask how many of them she bought. 😄

Even though I’ve been emptying my pantry, freezer, and fridge for a while as part of my diet plan (“nothing snackable or bingeable in the house”), once I bought butter and eggs, I still had enough stuff in stock that I don’t really need to shop for a few weeks except for a bit of variety. About the only thing I don’t have the mats for right now is homemade pizza, and it sounds like cheese and pepperoni are still on the shelves if I get the urge any time soon.

I have plenty of flour/yeast/etc to load up the bread machine, if I want zombie-free sandwich loaves or pizza dough for the next few weeks.

If the world doesn’t end in a week, my regular monthly subscriptions from Amazon will arrive, which will restock my supply of k-cups and splenda-sweetened canned fruit. At least, they haven’t canceled or rescheduled on me. Yet.

In other news, in the latest debate Joe Biden has pledged to beat SARS and Bernie Sanders is leading the fight against Ebola. Apparently Joe’s cognivirus is contagious.

3D Cheesecake 25

The everybody-telecommute edition.

In other news, we’re fully rebooked for November in Japan, and ended up gaining a day in Tokyo. I’ve penciled in a day trip to Kamakura and Enoshima.


Eggos. WTF, America?

Went out for butter and eggs (one package of each). All of the normal dry pasta and noodles were gone (organic, vegan, gluten-free, and instant options were in plentiful supply). Naturally, this meant that all the spaghetti sauce and half of the canned tomatoes were gone, too. And since yesterday, there was a big run on Campbells Chunky soups, but nobody was buying Progresso.

But they also cleaned out the large tubs of yogurt, normal/large eggs (I had to buy extra-large), and frozen vegetables.

And the frozen waffles. Eggo brand only, not the store brand or any of the “specialty” (fad-diet) stuff.

Surrounded by overstuffed shopping carts, I did what any sensible man would do: bought two boxes of frozen pizzas and two six-packs of Diet Pepsi. Because they were both on 2 for $X deals.


Forgot to mention it earlier, but there was only one person in the store wearing a mask. Unfortunately it was a hardware-store mask that’s only good for sawdust, and since she hadn’t pinched the nosepiece, it wouldn’t have even blocked that.

When Apple stops supporting your Mac…

…sure enough, it becomes a door stop.

Prepper cosplay

Ten days ago, panic-buying hadn’t reached my neighborhood; the only things out of stock were hand sanitizer and masks (most of which weren’t the antiviral kind). Last night, both CVS and Safeway had empty shelves where the bottled water and toilet paper would be, and half-empty shelves of rice and beans.

But everything else was still in stock. Propane, candles, coffee, canned foods, kleenex (even the “anti-viral” kind), tampons, cereal, beer, bandaids, vitamins, aspirin, cold medicine, soap, bleach, cough drops, etc, etc.

Um, if all you’re buying is water, toilet paper, and rice, you’re preparing for a very peculiar apocalypse. What, you’re gonna sit on the porch in the dark boiling bottled water over a toilet-paper stove to cook your rice as the zombies roam the neighborhood looking for brains? Relax, you’ve just proven that you’re safe from them.

Vaguely related, don’t ask me to explain how a search for “propane” on Amazon returned Black Scorpion: The Series on Prime Video…