Slime-Killing Witch 2, episode 4

Another member of the first season’s extended family returns and learns of last week’s mysterious character introduction, triggering a gold rush on Best Gal Beelzebub’s land. This forced the character designer to come up with dozens of new witches, which is never a bad thing. Our Most Wanted Legal Loli joins the cast and dispenses her wisdom in return for protection from being carved into tiny pieces and turned into snake-oil pills.

Verdict: the platonic harem grows again, this time literally. And we get a nutritious side dish of Beelzebub’s Whipped Witches, which could be a totally different show.

Bumpkin & Harem, episode 4

Wow, they really spent a lot of time painting that griffon. Even more than they spent drawing that triumphant ass-shot of the redhead. Pity we didn’t get to enjoy it longer, not that I’ll complain about her well-exposed tits filling the screen; that top must be reinforced with some serious magic to hold together during her acrobatics. I do have some questions about the choreography of the fight, though, as well as that whole “running on lava” thing. And the hanging-on-for-dear-life flight scene. And the way momentum is not really a thing in this universe.

With Our Misunderstood Hero’s sword broken in the fight, Strong But Tiny Haremette #2 takes him to her favorite blacksmith, where he tells her she needs to grip something longer and thicker; later, he gives her a few private lessons. Of course Thirsty McWhiteHair blew off work and tagged along, and for more fun, they were met by SweetCheeks O’RedHair, who insisted on taking care of his sword personally.

Finally, we get our first glimpse of Blue-Haired Fiery Gal #5, who looks a little light in the chest for a haremette, and we’ve already got a Legal Loli. More of her next week, it seems.

Related, I skimmed the previews of the translated light novels, and it seems he never gets anywhere with His Frisky Former Students, despite their obvious interest and their service-friendly fashion sense. He does go out on a date with an age-appropriate teacher at the magic school at one point.

Verdict: it doesn’t look like there’s much chance of getting the gals to a beach or hot-springs resort, but they do love their close-ups.

(Toxico is unrelated, Best Girl)

A-Rank Adventure Harem, episode 15

This episode was brought to you by The Principle of Conservation Of Assholes, in which assholes cannot be created or destroyed, simply transformed into other, worse assholes. Seriously, can these people write a villain who doesn’t stand aroung monologing while licking things? I mean, I can’t complain about Random Spear-Carrier Miniskirt Witch getting wrapped up in tentacles, that’s just good clean fun, but Our New Party Of Assholes is all about the licking, and they’re not even putting up enough of a fight to earn it. Sure, Our Adventure Gals run away a bit frantically before turning the tables, but the fight choreography is… not good, even after the assholes are replaced by Undead King Twirler. Only the mild fan-service saves it from being completely wretched.

Worse, after the exposition-heavy semifinals are over and hugs are delivered (with the promise of Special Catgirl Nene Time after it’s all over), Our Harem Hero suddenly realizes, based on no evidence that’s been shared with the audience, that The Golden McGuffin that they need to destroy to save the world is none other than… Original Asshole Party Leader!

Which, metaphysically speaking, means that everything bad that ever happened to one of the many worlds ruined by Golden McGuffin A-Rank Asshole is actually Yuke’s fault for cursing him with immortal suffering. Just sayin’.

Verdict: my brain really hurts now. They’d better make up for this with some major bath scenes, with Our Little Blonde Titty-Witch included, or I’m done.

(cat-ears leak worse than haircolor and elf-ears)

Unrelated, Shattered Space ain’t worth it at half-price

Bethesda delivered some major DLC for Skyrim and Fallout 4, but Starfield? Nah, it’s crap. A shitload of infodumps about the snake-cult-in-space faction that’s just been a bunch of mooks to shoot up to now, and we end up actually learning very little about their history and culture. But we spend way too much time sitting through conversations to get those scraps.

In a lot of ways, it reminds me of the least-entertaining part of Fallout 4‘s Far Harbor, in which Boss Synth tries to convince you that you’re not a real human either, and you’re not allowed to give any answers that flatly contradict his bullshit. It also feels quite derivative of two core quest chains in the base Starfield game.

I got this for $15 through the MS Company Store, and I feel like they charged $10 too much.

Slow buildup to major plot advances, as her uncle/foster-dad’s return to the rear palace gives Maomao some new pieces to add to the puzzle, and her father gives us a subtle hint about what’s really been going on all along. Now Jinshi’s a man with a mission.

And from now on, everything’s a spoiler.

Nice to see the franchise is doing well. Now where’s that second season?

Lazarus can stay dead

I saw that Hulu apparently has the subtitled version now, and I still have an old Hulu account, which I haven’t used much since the first season of Loser Ranger. I figured at some point I’d have to either cancel it or convert to a merged Disney+/Hulu/whatever account now that they’ve been integrated into that shitshow.

I logged in, I clicked on Lazarus, and it told me I’d have to upgrade to a premium account with Disney+, ESPN, and Live TV, for $87.99/month, and that’s with ads. I am not making that up.

Also, not happening. Ever. Hulu was already a marginal service, and I actively do not want any of the other items in the bundle. So I guess it’s time to cancel that sumbitch for good.

Based on this week’s dénouement, the people responsible for this show have never watched a detective show. The staging, the music, the dialogue, the posing, the voice acting, it’s all trying to build up a dramatic scene by replacing detective work with two people competing to as-you-know-Bob each other in front of Our Motionless Cyberdiving Inspector. I mean, nothing says “tense standoff” like a panned still of the hallway outside while random riffs compete with the voices for your attention. And where’s Our Insightful Robo-Assistant? Out cold in a tank; he’s just evidence this week, not a character.

I didn’t finish this episode.

Parsed this wrong at first…

Reborn As A Vending Machine 2 in July

Okay, now I’ve got a third show to watch next season, alongside Call Of The Night 2 and Kaiju No. 8 2.

(I used up all the good fan-art from this show last time, so I’ll be downloading LoRAs to try out)

Dear Google Maps,

When I search for “Sonic near Miamisburg”, why do you take me directly to the page for the one that’s permanently closed (for just under a year now)? Interestingly, searching for “Sonic Drive-In” with the map zoomed on the closed location returns all the still-existant locations within about twenty miles.

Related, why does your “AI” answer to the question “when did the Miamisburg Sonic close?” give completely wrong information? Oh, wait, I know that one: “because AI is bullshit!”

The Sonic in Miamisburg, Ohio, closed in January of 2019. The restaurant was temporarily closed for remodeling and was expected to reopen in the spring, according to a post on their Facebook page, reports Dayton Daily News

The article is a roundup of restaurant closings, and mentions two completely different Sonic locations in other cities with no dates, but the quoted claims refer to an unrelated sub shop in Miamisburg.

This is what “AI” does; this is how it works.

Related, the Dolly’s burger joint ain’t great

These popped up very suddenly in the area. The food is based on Big Boy. The name is based on an old comic strip published by Big Boy.

I linked the background in the sidebar already, but “Dolly’s” is temporary branding, because despite being unable to pay their bills, the franchisee that has the rights to run Big Boy restaurants in Ohio (Frisch’s) refuses to allow the Big Boy franchisee who bought up all their closed locations to use the Big Boy branding. Big Boy.

(just checked, and there’s still a Big Boy in Kyoto, near Ninna-Ji; recent reviews suggest it’s not as good as it was 10+ years ago)

Robo-Ho’s getting a dub?

Previously-unheard-of bottom-tier hentai streaming site OceanVeil has announced an English dub for The Busty Gal I Like Turned Out To Be A Horny Sexbot Trained On Censored Gay Porn, And Ever Since She Moved In She’s Been Trying To Stimulate My ‘Prostate’ Without Knowing What Or Where It Is (aka Kakushite! Makina-san!!).

The dub cast has the shortest list of credits I’ve ever seen. Only one of them has actually performed in more than one show before this. So, one step above “AI” dubbing, I guess.

(“find a love who looks at you the way Animalia looks at Emul… not”)

(classical reference)

Clueless Crafter, episode 4

We’re holding at two haremettes (Thirsty Princess and Miss Adventure), with Adventurous SideTail being deeply suspicious of what’s going on, even after the explanation. It takes seeing the results of his construction efforts for her to grasp just how over-powered and innocent Our Clueless Hero is, and she’s too boggled to fall for him like the other two.

Which is refreshing, because SideTail is also the most attractive of the bunch. She’s giving off a kind of grown-up-Misty-dressed-like-Ruby-Roundhouse vibe, and her reactions to the insanity around her are sensible.

The Mysterious Bandana And Her All-Knowing Bandana show up to pull some strings and take care of the louse who betrayed SideTail’s party, only to be surprised that Our Gym Leader Oddly-Dressed Court Mage has some strings of her own. We’re left with an ominous look at The Hot-But-Evil Priestess from Kurt’s original party, who’s apparently in a bit of a pinch.

Verdict: you really have to be in the mood for this show, since the OP hits just keep coming.

(Atelier Thighza is unrelated)

Robo-Ho, episode 3

This week, Our Ignorant Robo-Slut escalates the situation by tackling Our Reluctant Hero in the bath, giving him a close-up view of Silicon(e) Heaven (classical reference). In exchange, she gets her first look at uncensored boyhood, reveals that her AI is just as prone to hallucination as an LLM, and begins working his crank in wrong and painful ways. She loses her head as he attempts to flee her increasingly dangerous stress-testing, and then loses her head. And a leg; seems he needs more practice putting Humpy back together again.

Looks like I jumped the gun by expecting a lingerie and school-uniform parade this week. I guess she conveniently got blown up on a Friday night, and they have all weekend before their classmates find out.

(study-buddy is unrelated)

Simulcasts were late again, so I attempted to watch Moonrise. Wow, what a mistake that was. They spent a lot of money on the visuals without managing to seamlessly integrate the CGI, the tech is just there to look cool without any thought behind it, AI solved all of Earth’s problems by deporting them to the Moon and strip-mining it of all resources except the ones necessary to build a high-tech revolutionary army, and if you take a drink every time someone in this show shouts out the scenery-chewing terrorist leader’s full name, binge-watching will take on new meaning.

I will not continue to watch That Time My Family Got Killed By Bob Skylum! And I Had To Stop Being Mega-Rich Playboy Industrialist Jack Shadow And Go Cyber-Commando On The Moon With My Rich-Kid Posse While Searching For My Apparently-Not-Dead Childhood Friend.

(picture is unrelated, as I have no desire to go looking for anything that reminds me of this show…)

Slime-Killing Witch 2, episode 3

[Crunchyroll overlaid text promising “Drug/Alcohol Use, Nudity”; we did not get the promised nudity, or even alcohol. Also, they put the wrong episode’s subs up at first.]

Following up on last week’s cute busty undead catgirl, she’s now happily settled into a new life of running a game shop in the Demon capitol, and has invented the trading-card game. Next up, Our Sneaky Witch decides to go invisible to watch Best Girl Beelzebub at work, which doesn’t go quite as planned, but leads to the whole family making a visit to Bub’s lush mansion and uncovering her shameful secret. An exploration of her severely-overgrown garden (where pest control would require a boar spear) leads Azusa to a fateful encounter with… a cliffhanger.

Verdict: extra-shouty this week, but full of Beelzebub.

(hey, if they’re not gonna deliver the nudity…)

Bumpkin & Harem, episode 3

🎶 🎶 🎶
Backcountry bumpkin, what’s your function?
  Hooking up with my favorite students.
Backcountry bumpkin, how’s that function?
  I got four haremettes wanna polish my sword now.
Backcountry bumpkin, what’s their function?
  They’re just fan-service to keep horny fans watching.
🎶 🎶 🎶
(classical reference)

This week, the promised duel against the Legal Loli Head Wizard, an offer Our Teaching Hero-Daddy can’t refuse, and a duel against Super-Busty Redhead-With-Abs Third Waifu, with a special bonus flashback to her secret origin. The apparently-mandatory cliffhanger is a monster fight that, as usual, he’s going to be convinced is out of his league until he manages to defeat it and further impress Third Waifu.

First Waifu is all business this week, and there’s no sign of Second Waifu, but Magical Swordsgal Fourth Waifu shows up to apologize for accidentally siccing her boss on him. I have no idea where either of them stored that bottle.

The ED shows a fifth waifu, conveniently color-coded. Maybe I should just start calling them Super Sword Waifu Sentai by their hair color. Respectively, that would be White, Yellow, Red, Black, and Blue. I will give the show credit for making them adults. Yellow and Black seem to be the youngest, but Red is at least 25, and White’s an established career woman.

Verdict: despite my doggerel above, the fan-service shots of the mostly-underdressed harem are actually quite mild; it’s pretty much just quick flashes of T&A to remind us that they’re adult human females with the fashion sense of social-media thots trolling for likes. Unrelated, dodging Legal Loli’s fireballs and cutting giant iceballs in half is not taught in most sword schools. Also, she had loads of time to react to that charge from 40+ feet away.

(chibi GATE harem is unrelated)

A-Rank Adventure Harem, episode 14

Okay, the first half of this episode is a complete write-off, filled with world-saving exposition, blah-blah-blah. After that, however, they pick up the arranged-marriage side-plot again, leading Our Legal Loli Healer to come right out and invite Our Red-Faced Hero to join her in the hot springs bath. When that doesn’t work, she teams up with Our Hot Dark Elf Maiden and they both drag him into the tub, escalating to a double titty-rub.

All of the budget was spent on the bath scene, so I can’t complain about the indifferent character art this week. I can and will complain about the author’s need to insert another asshole party into the story to escalate the world-saving plot. And another waifu-hungry asshole trying to acquire the girls of Clover, sigh.

Verdict: y’know, the landlady looks like she’d be open to a hot-springs frolic with the gals, just sayin’. It would compensate for having to sit through the plot.

(I ordered one of each, but got an extra; I’m not sending her back (this model doesn’t have the catgirl, I’ll have to find a new one))

Advantage: anime

I am not yet bored or desperate enough to read it and find out if the flaws were in the adaptation or the source material.

I tried to borrow Sarah’s shocked face…

…but it was busy reacting to a Minnesota state employee vandalizing Teslas, just like his boss Tim Walz suggested.

Anyway, OpenAI is pretending to be surprised that their latest models make shit up even more often than the old ones. Next headline: “water, is it still wet?”