“As a prosecutor, I was taught that when a witness looks down & to the right as they answer, it’s a signal they are not being truthful.”

“As a warlock, I was taught that when a child coughs, it means his soul is trying to escape and will be easy to capture.”

— Trump Derangement Syndrome claims federal prosecutor Joyce Alene

“If I run him over, I’ll let you know…”

I was driving down the highway this afternoon at “slightly less than 20 MPH above the speed limit”, when my phone suddenly blasted a siren sound through my car speakers, and my navigation software was covered with this bullshit:

Everything about this is stupid, including the fact that you can’t click on the link. Y’know, if you were actually concerned about scouting for a possibly-senile senior, and weren’t more worried about driving into a ditch from the shock of having a siren blast in your ears at 85 miles/hour.

Off to googlebing “how to disable silver alert”, and sites claim that the one category of “emergency” alert that somehow turned itself back on can be turned back off. Wonder how long until Apple “helpfully” fixes that for me again…

Worst. Fund-raiser. Ever.

Apparently, the reason it took the House so long to turn in their homework was that they were waiting for Nancy Pelosi’s souvenir pens to arrive. Must have ordered them from China and refused to pay for express shipping.

Now I really want Trump to get re-elected, so these dumpster-dining bumblefucks can use their Historical Collectibles to slash their wrists.

Note to people eager to bid on the inevitable auctions for these silly things: across is for attention, down is for death.

Pixiv: gotta groom ’em all…

Pokémon takes place in a universe without the concept of “stranger danger”, where it is perfectly reasonable to send pre-teens out on their own to travel the world, battle other kids for their lunch money, go home with newly-met adults, and take candy from strangers. I find this innocence oddly refreshing. In any other game, you’d be asking what exactly this little girl is doing in a hotel room with a dirty cop and two hookers:

In Pokémon-land, though, it just means you’ve found the CEO’s avatar and can battle him for useful loot.

The first sign that the new Pokemon Sword & Shield game(s) would be a hit was Nessa/ルリナ, who hit the fan-sites like a leggy, barely-clad ton of bricks:

(yes, she dresses her early-teen “assistants” in the same outfit, and gives the protagonist a set to wear as well…)

But the real draw has proven to be pouty-punk rival Marnie/マリィ, who’s so popular that in the upcoming DFCDLC, you’ll be able to cosplay as her in-game:

Or in 3D, if you’ve got the chops:

“It’s a Berry tree. Do you want to shake it?”

As for choosing Sword versus Shield, there’s no contest:

This is reinforced in the expansion with Sword-exclusive Clara, who had sexy fan-art about ten minutes after the announcment ended:

Something supporting character Sonia can relate to:

Not that any character has been spared…

Warning: objects in fan-art are larger than in-game.


Dear Amazon,

No, it is not true that these recommended items are things “other customers often buy again”. Honestly, once is probably enough:

In other news, it’s nice to see that the recommendation engine is back online. Nothing jumped out at me as particularly absurd this morning, but I thank you for pointing out that the new Doctor’s sonic is designed to stimulate the G-spot.

“Does your dog bite?”

Sitting at home contemplating the Nueske’s gift box that just arrived, and my doorbell rang again. This time it was a small neighbor child who said, “your cat is hungry”.

“I don’t have a cat”, I replied, causing the child to look utterly baffled. I explained that I knew the beast and fed him when he stopped by, but had no idea who he actually belonged to.

I also have no idea who the small child belongs to. My neighborhood is sufficiently unwoke that they roam freely without anyone calling to have their parents arrested.

Dear Amazon,

Apparently I’ve gone too far poking fun at the results of your recommendation system, because you’ve stopped recommending anything except a few “buy it again” tiles:

  • “Buy it again in Business, Industrial, & Scientific Supplies”: Loctite, flush cutters, screw caps, and threaded screw inserts. (aka “crafting supplies”)

  • “Buy it again in Office Products”: super-sticky Post-Its, NFC tags, and inkjet business cards. (I go through Post-Its like candy; the cards are for giving the addresses of our hotels in Japan to cab drivers and luggage shippers)

  • “Buy it again in Home”: trash bags, Boveda humidifier refills, and a 12-pack of stick-on pen loops. (I only needed 2-3 pen loops, one for each Rocketbook and the third for my old Surface Pro, so it will be a long time before I run out…).

  • “Buy it again in Home Improvement”: Loctite, Loctite, stick-on plastic feet, and Philips Hue motion sensors. (seriously, Amazon, how much Loctite do you think I go through in a month?)

  • “Buy it again in other categories”: charcoal soap, toothbrush heads, USB3-to-Micro/C/Lightning cable, Gevalia Mocha Latte K-Cups.

That last one is amusing, because I actually have a subscription for the k-cups, but in a different box size, so Amazon knows I like the stuff, but doesn’t realize they’re already sending me 36 of them each month. (4 boxes of 9 is $5.65 cheaper than 6 boxes of 6)

This is my daily “liquid pie” indulgence. I drink it with two Splendas and two Mini-Moos, which is like pouring coffee on cupcake batter, yet still only 100 calories.

If I have any further coffees (instead of drinking Diet Pepsi), they consist of Gevalia or Peet’s medium-roast ground coffees, made in an Aeropress (or the new Aeropress Go travel kit) with three Splendas, a Mini-Moo, and a pinch of sea salt.

(for the AeroNerdly: non-inverted, 2 filters, 2 scoops, 2-ounce pour to wet the grounds for 30 seconds, 2 more ounces and ~40 seconds of stirring, slow press all the way down and scrape the foam into the mug, then milk-n-sugar and add 8 more ounces of water)

20 minutes into the future…

More precisely, I made it 20 minutes into the first episode of the new season of Doctor Who before giving up in a combination of exasperation and boredom.


Ah, not a new season, just a “Who Years Day” special. It’s called “part 1”, but since I couldn’t finish it, I don’t know if it’s really a two-parter. And I don’t care enough to look it up.

The dog ate my impeachment

Pelosi/Schumer, decrypted:

“We won’t turn in our homework until you agree to finish it for us.”

“Need a clue, take a clue,
 got a clue, leave a clue”