(with apologies to Oscar Mayer…)

🎶 🎶 🎶 🎶
Your baloney has a first meme,
it’s ‘Rus-sian Col-lu-sion’.
Your baloney has a second meme,
it’s ‘Or-ange-Man-Is-Bad’.
Oh we’ll laugh in your face every day,
and if you ask us why we’ll saaaaay,
“​…cause Loony Leftists have to pay
for screwing up the USA.”
🎶 🎶 🎶 🎶

The Naming Of Cheesecake’s a bit cloak-and-dagger,
  It isn’t just one of your image search games.
You may think that I’m just a lazy-ass blogger,
  When I tell you, these models have actual names.

more...

With apologies to Genesis…

🎶 🎶 🎶 🎶
Well I’ve been surfing, surfing porn so long,
But thinking bondage, bondage was just wrong.
Well now I know,
It increases visibility
Of prime femininity,
And redefines the term “restraining order”.

She seems to be in invisible cuffs, damn!
I could reach out and grab right hold of her parts.
When I see girls in invisible cuffs, damn!
I lose control, my heart rate goes off the charts.

Well I don’t even know her, or how to spell her name,
Just that she shows all that skin, without a hint of shame.
And now I know,
She’s got something that keeps her trussed,
And it shows off the goods to us,
And in my dreams, I’m touching her all over.

(chorus)

synth break

(chorus)

Well I just keep losing, because I have no game,
And yes I have messed up my life, and women call me lame.
And now I know,
Restraints produce great pornography,
Expose lingerie to me,
And fill my screen with babes to slobber over.

(chorus)
🎶 🎶 🎶 🎶

In related news, giga-Kojimblr has been released from Tumblr jail. It got flagged a few days back, which forces you to log in before viewing “sensitive” content. Since I have no intention of creating a Tumblr account, I had to cross my fingers and hope it’d eventually be released. Honestly, I’m surprised it hasn’t been permabanned by now; that’d be, what, the fifth time?

[Sunday update: …and, back into Tumblr jail it goes, sigh.]

[Sunday afternoon update: to my immense surprise, it seems I do have a Tumblr account; they just sent me email saying it’s been a long time since I used my account, and do I still want to keep the username? Apparently I created it a few years ago to add a comment to someone’s “where is this place in Kyoto” request. Don’t bother looking for my empty blog there; it’s marked private, and I wouldn’t use it anyway, given how hostile they are to their users.]

[updated with almost all their names]

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No smoke, Bluetooth!

I got the new smoker up and running Friday night (wifi config, software update, bluetooth pairing for the induction burner, seasoning process, all good), but by then it was too late to cook anything.

Then I didn’t get to use the smoker Saturday morning, because the weather forecast suddenly changed from “partly cloudy” to “brief thunderstorm”, and then I got distracted with some shopping errands.

Saturday evening, I decided I should at least pair the Bluetooth temperature probes that came with it, which I hadn’t done Friday because they needed to charge for several hours. I woke up the smoker and successfully paired the first one, and then I told it to search for the second one.

It beeped once, and the screen turned off. “Ah, it must have crashed due to some stupid Bluetooth bug”, I think to myself, so I power-cycled it. The screen stayed blank. I tried again. Then I shut it off, unplugged it, gave it a good 60 seconds, and tried again. The power light comes on, the induction burner’s light pulses that it’s searching for Bluetooth, but there’s nothing on the screen, and the app can’t see it on wireless.

It had bricked itself.

First thing Sunday morning, I called Traeger’s customer service 800 number, and after some brief issues with address/phone conflicts between their different databases, we went through the same troubleshooting I had, and then they instructed me to crack open the case and look at the boards.

One of the screws on the side stripped out, but I found a bigger screwdriver and got it open, checked for damage and loose connections, and confirmed that both boards showed power lights.

They’re shipping replacements out by two-day air, and they’ve already sent me the how-to video. All I need is a dry day late this week.

With apologies to Wayne

Sometimes when a song comes on, I find myself changing the lyrics just a bit. Watching the video, I always thought Rachel Hunter would be a bit too sophisticated for that boy…

🎶🎶🎶🎶
(Stacy’s mom has got a strap-on dong)
(Stacy’s mom has got a strap-on dong)
(Stacy’s mom has got a strap-on dong)
(Stacy’s mom has got a strap-on dong)

Stacy, can you come save me after schoo-o-o-ool?
    (after school)
In the hidden room by the poo-o-o-o-o-o-ool.
    (room by the pool)
When your mom got back from her business trip,
    (business trip)
She knocked me out while I was trying on her sli-i-i-ip.
    (wearing her slip)

You know, it’s been almost a week since she captured me.
I’m all tied up, now,
Baby, can’t you see?

Stacy’s mom has got a strap-on dong
It’s thick and black
and it’s over a foot long.
Stacy, can’t you see?
Your mom’s too much man for me.
Untie me while she’s gone,
please save my ass from your mom’s schlong.

(Stacy’s mom has got a strap-on dong)
(Stacy’s mom has got a strap-on dong)

Stacy, do you remember when she mowed the lawn?
    (mow the lawn)
And showed it off with just a towel o-o-o-on.
    (towel on)
She could tell I liked it from the way I stared,
    (way I stared)
And the way I begged
to put my finger in the-e-e-ere.
    (finger in there)

And I know I said pegging’s a cool fantasy,
but since your dad escaped
it’s been non-stop abuse for me.

(chorus)
🎶🎶🎶🎶

(there are related pictures on Pixiv, but I block all of those keywords, so…)