Outdoor cooking, Bad Haiku Edition

A leftover steak!
Kosher salt, black pepper, and
a really hot fire...
In the hornet nest,
an oppressive heat begins.
Hey, it's my grill, guys.

Microsoft Bluetooth Notebook Mouse 5000 review, Bad Haiku Edition

Button 2 broke fast;
replacement eats batteries.
Gosh it's pretty, though.

Barsoomian Haiku

Evil men often
held Dejah Thoris for weeks;
did they get any?

Warlord John Carter,
always present when villains
say “As you know, Bob”.

Barsoom’s nude beauties:
inadequately described,
yet worth dying for.


Peter da Silva posted a link on G+ to a collection of “redneck haiku”, most of them “not very good”. I commented with something I think is better:

Gently melting snow,
rusty pickup truck on blocks.
Spring revelation.

Thoughts and Prayers, Bad Haiku Edition

When engineers sleep,
catgirl breeding runs amuck;
Steven, get well soon.


AsoIku Doctor's Orders

Loli Poppins

I refuse to apologize for what happened when the soundtrack from Mary Poppins was playing as I read Mauser’s comment about Lollygagging. Dedicated to Roman Polanski, of course.


“…and every pass I plan to make,
involves Delicious Cake.
A law, or three, won’t save young girls from me…

“Some champagne and a quaalude made the little girl go down,
the little girl go down,
the little girl go down.
But the booze, pills, and ass-rape were all felonies, I found,
so I fled the USA.”

(Im)Pure Imagination

Viewing the Honest Trailer for Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (featuring Michael Bolton) reminded me just how creepy the adult-child interactions are in that movie.

That got the song Pure Imagination running through my head, and things went downhill from there…

🎶 🎶 🎶 🎶
Come with me and you’ll see
what it’s like to live by child predation.
What you’ll find in their hearts
is fear, shame, and degradation.

To begin, take a spin
on one of my deviant creations.
Here your sins won’t require expiation.

If you want to do little kids,
I will teach you how to find them.
You can sneak up right behind them,
drag them to your van, then gag and bind them.

There’s a place you can go
to wallow in pure degeneration.
In my lair you’ll be free
to commit atrocities.
🎶 🎶 🎶 🎶

Inevita-Bell, Flashback, Lost

DanSora 10

If the goal of the writers was not for me to hope that Lefiya falls into a pit and gets devoured by monsters, they have failed. As expected, we’re up to Bell’s minotaur fight, but they didn’t let it consume the entire episode. So, if it’s going to be 13 episodes, I figure we have “getting to level 59”, “discovering the secret of level 59”, and “finding Bell on level 18” left.

Eromanga-sensei 11

After two episodes with minimal Sagiri, the animators (or as they’re better known, “still-panners”) have resumed their lusty exploration of her under-developed body, and have upped the ante in flashbacks of her at age 7. At least the expository lumps finally introduced Mr. and Mrs. Brady, answering several questions and raising a few new ones. The worst thing about revealing The Secret History, though, is that an episode without Elf is like a week without sunshine.

Sagiri’s biological father is apparently alive (it was a divorce, not a death, that made her withdraw the first time), but there’s no such thing as joint custody in Japan, and it’s apparently not unusual for the other parent to never see their kids again.

Doctor Who 10.10

I get the impression that they suddenly realized they’ve never actually shown Bill’s character development, and decided to just present it as an accomplished fact. And is it just me, or was the Doctor’s “plan” the most pointlessly melodramatic phony dilemma of the entire Capaldi era?

Especially since the audience doesn’t believe it would actually happen. “Wait, wouldn’t that just end the show?”

Update: No apologies…

🎶 🎶 🎶 🎶
Doctor, Bill, and Nardole,
on a Tardis expedition,
met the lostest Romans ever known.

Light-eating dog-thing,
hand-waved as major threat,
led cowards to noble self-sacrifice.

In the Moffat Puppet Show.
I can’t wait to see him go.
Can Chibnall save this frickin’ showwwww?
🎶 🎶 🎶 🎶

“Need a clue, take a clue,
 got a clue, leave a clue”