Humor

Too soon, Ming, too soon…


Two dams have failed in Michigan, forcing the evacuation of 10,000 people; and, hey, look, there’s a major chemical plant right along the river in question, so what could possibly go wrong?

Now that Gretchen Whitmer has an actual emergency on her hands, will she free the rest of her subjects to cope, or double down on the stupid? Rhetorical question, I know.

“You’d call off the attack?”

“I could.”

“Everyone would be saved?”

“Yes… and no. After the earthquakes and tidal waves, they won’t be quite the human beings you remember. They’ll be more… tractable. Easier for you to rule, in the name of Ming.”

“You mean slaves.”

“Let’s say… they’ll be satisfied with less.”

California temperature forecasts for Memorial Day

Salinas: 81
Los Angeles: 89
San Jose: 90
Fresno: 97
Sacramento: 97
Bakersfield: 99

Monterey: 70
Half Moon Bay: 70
Ventura: 74
Santa Cruz: 75

Masks, social distancing, and “stay-at-home” hardest hit.

Coming soon to an America near you…


Top of the “trending” list on Twitter just now:

Not entirely unrelated:

Two months into the lockdown, some people can’t handle the pressure:

In response to criticism, California has simplified their convoluted stages-within-stages “reopening” roadmap, which was about as smooth as a typical California road:

Someone found an upside to all this nonsense:

Dear Unique Pretzel Company,


I approve of your decision to make a larger 16-ounce bag of your delicious Splits pretzels. However, I think perhaps you should have had the graphic design team put a bit more thought into the layout of the bag…

Also, the design for the Rings pretzels always makes me think they’re a LotR tie-in product.

How California’s really flattening the curve…


Because the hipsters all had Corona-chan before it was cool, and now that everyone’s into it, they are so over it.

Pokéman…


Ash Ketchum discovers the hidden cost of catching them all:

Agnes-chan doesn’t have the same ring to it…


Masks and hand sanitizer were clearly not being applied to the right body parts here.

On the subject of media-induced panic buying, my neighbor reported last night that the local Safeway has started closing three hours early so they can stock the shelves in peace, and not have roving hordes of zombies circling the aisles, waiting to pounce on pallets before they can be unloaded.

Also, she said that there’s no bread, eggs, or milk on the shelves, but tons of fruit, vegetables, cheese, frozen dinners, breakfast cereal, Easter candy, soda, etc, and people have bought out all the canned goods not marked organic, vegan, or Progresso. She did manage to find an overlooked display shelf with small jars of Jif peanut butter, which she considered a real score.

I didn’t ask how many of them she bought. 😁

Even though I’ve been emptying my pantry, freezer, and fridge for a while as part of my diet plan (“nothing snackable or bingeable in the house”), once I bought butter and eggs, I still had enough stuff in stock that I don’t really need to shop for a few weeks except for a bit of variety. About the only thing I don’t have the mats for right now is homemade pizza, and it sounds like cheese and pepperoni are still on the shelves if I get the urge any time soon.

I have plenty of flour/yeast/etc to load up the bread machine, if I want zombie-free sandwich loaves or pizza dough for the next few weeks.

If the world doesn’t end in a week, my regular monthly subscriptions from Amazon will arrive, which will restock my supply of k-cups and splenda-sweetened canned fruit. At least, they haven’t canceled or rescheduled on me. Yet.

In other news, in the latest debate Joe Biden has pledged to beat SARS and Bernie Sanders is leading the fight against Ebola. Apparently Joe’s cognivirus is contagious.

When Apple stops supporting your Mac…


…sure enough, it becomes a door stop.

Yeah, I can see that…


Even worse, she’s gone viral.