With apologies to A.A. Milne...

Tax cheat
Michael Avenatti,
Creepy Porn Attorney

Told big
lies for his clients,
Of which we’re sure of three.

Jailed for
beating a woman,
“People,” he said, said he;

“You must always believe the accusers of men,
unless they’re accusing me.”

Next week, on the Jim Acosta show...

The judge says Trump has to let him in. Doesn’t say he’s allowed to speak.

"Coke Adds Waifu"

(Artist: Sakichi Sakichi)

Dear Amazon,

Clearly my recent search for cotton rope has led you down a dark path…

Vegan Sub

Q: How do you make a vegan sub?


Knotty time...

“What’cha doin’?”

"Oh, just workin' on my Girl Scout knots."

“Don’t you mean Boy Scout knots?”

"Why would I want to tie up boys?"

Pro tip: if you search for “cotton rope” on Amazon, don’t browse the “people also bought” section at work. Especially if the rope is from a company called BON​TIME. My favorite was the “travel yoga and exercise kit” that included cuffs, collar, and two spreader bars.

The trouble with CAPTCHAs...

…is that they block robots.



They’re not spinning the results of Elizabeth Warren’s less-inconclusive-than-before DNA test correctly.

I mean, at 1/1024, she’s clearly a homeopathic Native American.

“Need a clue, take a clue,
 got a clue, leave a clue”