(classical reference)

Dear Amazon,

The “Inspired by your digital shopping trends” section consists primarily of dead-tree editions of books I already purchased as ebooks. From you. Why do you think that’s a thing?

Molesting Magical Girls, episode 4

You know how Japanese men’s mags put luscious 19-year-olds in (and out of) schoolgirl outfits? Well, that reference art is clearly how the artists responsible for Our Supposedly-Fourteen Ditzy Drill-Haired Redheaded Magical Girl’s appearance this week got their inspiration. Honestly, Sulfur’s about the only member of the cast so far who could plausibly pass for under 18.

Despite the bound and bountiful cheesecake on display this week, there’s all sorts of plot crumbs being dropped. Next week, Team Dom adds a loli.

Verdict: in the words of Donna Barr, “anyone who takes this seriously deserves to”.

Metallic Kiddy Rouge Grade, episode 3

Oh, look, the bus people are back! Maybe I should have remembered their names! Or not. There’s no combat this week, just a history lesson and a bunch of random plot coupons, and a sauna scene that doesn’t even offer the hope of an unsteamed Bluray release.

Verdict: yawn; all the shallow Nean allegory is really turning me off of this show.

The Apothecary Diaries, episode 15

Monocle Guy has stopped lurking and started getting vaguely sinister. Meanwhile, Maomao plays Detective Pukeatchu and somehow manages to locate the unlabeled jar that contains the evidence; I presume it glowed when she moused over it.

Verdict: Jinshi’s inability to cope with being friendzoned is always amusing.

Solo Leveling, episode 3

I keep getting distracted by the razor sharp chins, but on the bright side, they’re giving the girls more coverage. Which is more interesting than Our Newbie Player’s discovery of how to handle status screens, skill points, and Daily Quests. Spoiler alert: Int is his dump stat.

Verdict: the rules require that we grind through this.

Slow Waifu & Sister, episode 3

In which Our Bountiful Waifu is eating for three, Our Neighbor’s Wife is working up a sweat, Our Haven’t-Seen-In-Forever Guild Girl remains competitive, Our Friendly High Elf Maiden is sticking around, Our Almost-Forgotten Muscle Dude returns, Our Masked Assistant has an unsurprising secret identity, and Our Observant Assassin is the only one to notice that something’s up.

Verdict: I think I want a spinoff show in which Tisse leads hot-springs tours for the rest of the female cast.

Frieren, episode 19

Little Miss Fan-Service is an awkward fit for this show. Fun to look at, sure, and more developed as a character than the other mages whose names I don’t even bother trying to remember, but still just a distraction from Frieren’s accidental mentoring and memories.

Verdict: I’m thinking Twintailed Redhead Hot Pants Mage should be this year’s trend. Just get us out of this forest soon, please.

Pon Starlets, episode 3

Y’know, if they’d animated this, they might have convinced someone to license it. Then again, it would still just be cute girls doing cute things making lame mahjong references. Seriously, if these chicks were D&D nerds, they’d be saying things like “wow, you really rolled a natural 20 on this curry!”.

Unrelated, Izumi was clearly switched at birth. At least Nashiko is the same species as her mom, but as for the closest thing we have to a fan-service gal, the apple fell very far from the pine tree.

Verdict: the primary virtue of this is that it’s inoffensive. No shouting, no cheat powers, no slave harem, etc. It’s just filler, the sort of thing that Steven would raid for screenshots at the end of the season.

Gourmet Side Quests, episode 3

In which I think I’m done here.

(package update…)

It arrived Friday, from UPS, but since Amazon just threw it into an envelope, the product’s lightweight unsealed box was crushed and everything fell out into the envelope. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t.

Dear Amazon,

Please quit with the phony tracking IDs. You’ve got a package that’s supposed to arrive “today by 8 PM” that was allegedly shipped via UPS, but the tracking ID isn’t even valid in their system. I’m willing to wager that when/if it does eventually arrive, that will not be the ID on the package, and the shipping label won’t say UPS.

…and after 9 PM it updated to claim “now expected by January 24”, with the possibility to request a refund on the 25th. Meanwhile, the product page claims that I could buy one in the next hour and have it on the 20th.

McPharmacist & Waifu & Sister Too, ep 2

Our Passionate Elf’s stirring defense of Our Slow-Waifing Hero sounds an awful lot like a confession. Just sayin’. Meanwhile, Our Adorable Assassinette’s mind is blown by Our Heroic Little Sister’s bro-sharing plans, revealed as part of the hot-springs fan-service competition. Oh, yeah, they also fight a big monster and feed some friendly giants.

Verdict: more bathing, please.

(and if they need a new product line, they can bottle the used hot-springs water and sell it to every man in Zoltan)

Molesting Magical Girls, episode 3

I have to respect them for committing to the premise. And if the Bluray release is any more explicit than this, they should ship it with a box of tissues.

Verdict: Kiwi-chan’s quite the showoff; I wonder if Venalita took a few pictures before recruiting her…

(there actually is some fan-art for the manga this is based on, but most of it is still quite suggestive, which shouldn’t surprise anyone)

Metallic Rouge, episode 2

In which We Suck At Undercover. Like, Really Bad.

Also, the fight music is over-the-top goofy melodrama.

Verdict: definite Kiddy Grade trainwreck vibes here. Cute gals, though.

(unrelated Night Stalker is hotter than Kolchak)

The Apothecary Diaries, episode 14

In which Maomao schools the consorts with detailed training materials in a hilarious “do as I say, not as I do” montage. Then it’s time to reunite with another of her useful contacts to kickstart another mystery.

Verdict: Gyokuyo is Best Girl. Naughty naughty best girl.

Solo Leveling, episode 2

In which we get a full recap of the history that was introduced last week, and Our Weakest Hero manages to figure out the clues in time to save, well, not everybody, but at least the girl. Next week, the story begins.

Verdict: this is paced for a faithful adaptation, which I think would require at least four seasons, and they haven’t mentioned approval for even a second one yet.

(…which means we probably won’t see Esil this season)

Whipped into shape

The OP song (“My Dream Girls”) for Molesting Magical Girls is all sweetness and light.

Everything else is just filler.

Frieren, episode 18

Note to fan-artists: they only blot out half the sky.

Cast expansion was relatively light this week, with only a few of the exam candidates getting fleshed out. This included the cute redhead in hot pants, who got some actual fan-service poses in. Nice cameos by Kraft and the old gang.

Verdict: the art style doesn’t really lend itself to fan-service; fortunately that’s not the point.

Dawdling In Dungeon, episode 2

This week, the highlight is the OP animation and original song, on which they spent more money than the rest of the show. The actual episode settles into its tropes, accomplishing very little in the way of making the characters interesting. Also, SHOUTING IS COMEDY!

Verdict: snore. Maybe they should add a dramatic countdown timer, “days until Falin is fewmets”.

Pon-Pon Girls, episode 2

[not licensed for streaming]

In which Girl#4 does-not-bounce into the story, which is pretty impressive for a gal packing a pair of Death Stars. You can understand why she’s reluctant to visit other mahjong parlors with mostly male customers:

It seems a bit bait-and-switchy to make a fuss about how the OP song features a former member of Nogizaka 46 and current professional mahjong player, when her voice is so distorted by autotune that she barely sounds human. Nothing wrong with the tune, or the pon-pon girls singing the pon-pon parts, but it’s pretty clear that Kana Nakada’s career was never based on her vocal talents.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Verdict: the trailers promised bikinis; maybe that’s what they’re saving the 2D animation budget for. (the 3D budget is going into rendering the automated game table)

Metallic Rouge, episode 1

The trailers and OP made it look like a Dirty Pair/Bubblegum Crisis mashup, but after watching it, I’m leaning toward a Kiddy Grade trainwreck. The buddy-cop lead girls are cute, the mechsuit battles are flashy and not entirely incoherent, and it’s generally well-drawn and animated, but the slave android thing is either poorly explained or utter bullshit.

We’re shown a vast underclass of android slaves who are considered completely disposable, each one of which requires a daily shot of juice that also acts as a spiffy drug for humans and has a massive black-market value. Each android is issued (?) one shot a day, which they carry around until they need a hit, or maybe store in an unguarded locker room at work. We’re also shown a massive hijacked truckload of the stuff, which suggests that thousands of workers are going to be tossed in the garbage when they can’t get juiced tomorrow, which would surely disrupt their ability to provide a functional and safe environment on Mars.

Verdict: mysterious pasts and secret agendas, sigh.

(Our Low-Affect Transforming Heroine would be more interesting if her mechsuit looked like this)

Molesting Magical Girls, episode 2

I decided to see how they’d follow up the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Hentai debut, and it opens with all three magical girls completely naked. Subtle, it ain’t.

(Our Increasingly Aroused Villainess wishes her costume were this conservative…)

Speaking of trailers…

Netflix has a full-length trailer for their production of 3 Body Problem, which is filled with scenes that have nothing to do with the book. The only two skiffy technologies present in the first book are something capable of projecting strings onto an individual’s field of vision (countdowns and childish insults), and a monomolecular cable capable of slicing a ship in half as it passes through the Panama Canal. The former is allegedly alien tech, the latter is the main character’s tech. Not the main character of the show; that seems to be Benedict Wong playing the gruff middle-aged detective.

If they never explain anything (especially The Two Protons), then it might succeed as a visually spectacular shallow SciFi experience. If they do, then it’s just another chapter in the ongoing pity fuck for Chinese SF fans who can’t get their hands on the good stuff.

Unrelated,

Every contract recruiter in India is now calling me from phony US VoIP numbers, with really bad connections. After being informed that I wasn’t interested in contract work, as he should have known from my profile, one of them even had his manager call back to explain that it was a long-term contract, and that the company typically converted to perm.

Anyway, my phone is once again set to send unknown callers straight to voicemail.

First we’re introduced to Our Fanatical New Hero and his party, viewed through the eyes of the latest member, Mask Gal. Then the OP goes all-in on Our Brocon Heroine’s transformation from unstoppable emotionless technically-alive Chosen Hero to slow-living fan-service object, with a side-order of Tisse-service; Red and Rit are barely in it.

This season is definitely all about the girls, with Our Devoted Waifu getting more bouncing in the brief goblin fight than all four Pon-pon girls got in an entire episode. And the camera enjoys panning up and down the girls, and framing conversations with sideboob. I suppose if they’re going to hose the story again, they should at least make it easy on the eyes.

Verdict: cheesecake sampler.

(Leafa-chan would fit right in, although she’d probably have to fight the busty elf druid; preferably in a bath scene)