One thing that struck me as I browsed the many goofy products that Thanko sells is the hint of sneering contempt in a lot of their product photography:

For instance, The Lonely Guy Wine Chiller:

And the Fat Slob Food Warmer:

Compare and contrast to The Dorkiest Umbrella Ever, where the guy can’t help but look ridiculous but is out doing something, and the girl actually looks kinda cute in it:

Now, it’s possible I’m reading too much into it. The “fat slob” model shows up in a lot of product photos and videos, and seems to be comfortable with how he’s used, but marketing pictures tell a story, and these stories show how the company views the customer. Add a girl to the wine-chiller photo, and Our Hero would be having a successful date; add some more guys to the food-warmer pic and put a nice spread of finger foods on it, and Our Hero would be hosting a Superbowl party.

One of these things is not like the others…

At least this one is obviously wrong, unlike the time I asked it to take me to the Embassy Suites SFO, and eventually discovered that there are two of them, about ten minutes apart…

I’m a big fan of Trello, but the only reason to visit their blog is to check for new features. Unfortunately, they feel the need to pad it out with the sort of content-free content that makes workplace violence seem like a reasonable response.

Take this, for instance: “Here’s Proof That Office Layout Doesn’t Affect Productivity”.

Using the DeskTime time-tracking and productivity app, I examined people working in three different environments: an open office, a closed-space office, and a cubicle. It turns out that working in a closed office leads to just 4% more productivity than working in an open office (89.3% vs. 85.8%).

But here’s the kicker: the most productive setup (91.1%) of the trio was the bane of every modern worker’s existence—the dreaded cubicle.

This absolutely reeks. No sample size, no description of what type of work the “tracked” employees did, what industries they were in or even what countries, and no hint of how long this intern “studied” them, but she’s got proof that will put your foolish opinions in their place.

And her solutions? Forget office layout, and focus on art, plants, headphones, and blocking social media.

(and yes, I know her bio calls her “senior writer and content marketer”, but I used to work with a guy whose business cards said “Lord High Everything Else”, so I’m sticking with “intern”)

Why is this children’s toy wearing a bondage gag?

Yes, it’s a smartphone-powered nose-hair trimmer.

Saw this sign a while back in my local mall (which is trying really hard to go upscale, to the point that it’s pushed out so many of the old stores that it’s almost more “coming soon” than “open for business”). I figured that it was either an attempt by Daiso to go upscale, or a direct competitor riffing on the name. The fact that the katakana of their logo says “meisou” was a little odd, though.

Turns out that Miniso is a 100% Chinese company that just puts Japanese text on their house-brand products, and stocks things like Pocky to help prop up the facade. Their only connection to Japan is in their typesetting.

I happened to be in the mall again the day of their grand opening (twice in the same year!), and they’d attracted a curious crowd, but they didn’t really stock any interesting stuff. I can’t imagine any reason to go back, much less buy something there.

Unrelated, both times I was in the mall, I was the only white person there. Surprising, since even the local Walmart is usually more diverse. Salinas used to be 51% hispanic, but I think the next census is going to show a higher number. Also, it provides some perspective on the growth of the hispanic middle class that the mall has spent a crapton of money expanding and going upscale.

It’s fine that you think I need a side gig, and I’m sure you mail this to a lot of your used-Uber-only-once customers, but I think I should point out that this deal is not the least bit attractive for someone who lives two hours south of San Francisco. And that’s with little or no traffic.

They said this. They really did.

NSFC

Fuck you, ACLU, with a rusty coat hanger.

Update: Keep digging, Trump needs more votes!

The batshit-crazy is strong in this one…

This may be the most imaginary oppression in the history of imaginary oppressions.

tee-hee

Best reaction so far.