TL/DR: exactly one year and six days after getting RIFd by Pure Storage, I started a new Senior SRE position at Proofpoint.

At the beginning of April, half of my team, half of the people in related teams, and a bunch of other folks in the business unit (~95 total) were informed that our positions had been eliminated, and that we had a month to find other jobs inside the company; if that didn’t pan out, we’d receive a severance package. There were maybe three US-based openings for us all to apply for; none of them were remote, and probably a third of us had been.

I’ve made vague mention about this over the past N months, but what I didn’t say was that it happened last April, and I’ve spent most of a year banging my head against automated applicant screening systems that kept me from speaking to an actual human being.

Here’s the 90% experience:

1. found brand-new posting on LinkedIn that I’m easily qualified for.
2. applied (which often involved creating accounts on their job sites).
3. received automated rejection email.

If I applied on a Friday night, it wasn’t unusual to be rejected by Saturday morning.

Here’s 90% of the remaining 10%:

1. found & applied.
2. spoke to recruiter and seemed to hit it off.
3. never heard from them again.

Of the ones that reached an actual technical interview, one involved a sufficiently obscure skillset that they were unlikely to have more than a handful of qualified applicants, but they ghosted me and still haven’t hired anyone five months later.

Another sounded very interested and promised a fast hiring process, but dumped me a week later in a bland form email.

Special honorable mention to ServiceNow, to which I was twice referred by senior directors, and twice ghosted.

Special dishonorable mention to the Indian contract recruiters who got my cellphone number and called me multiple times per day for on-site contract positions in Cincinnati (1-hour drive) and Akron (3-hour drive). One recruiter even had his manager call back and explain that it was definitely contract-to-perm, which is almost always bullshit.

The Proofpoint recruiter was friendly, engaged, and excellent at communication and scheduling, so by the time we got to the offer, I had a positive impression of their professionalism. It didn’t hurt that my first technical interview was with my evil twin. Or perhaps I was the evil twin; at least, I’m the one with the beard. 😁

Lessons learned:

• LinkedIn is an utter shitshow of a social media network, but still better than other job sites. You think Twitter’s “For you” algorithm is bad? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
• LinkedIn Premium promises far more than it delivers, but fortunately I got it at Microsoft-alumni pricing.
• Seriously, it’s so fucking trendy that it offers AI assistance in pitching yourself to recruiters, which is an incredibly bad idea.
• So now a lot of job listings explicitly specify “no AI in resumes or cover letters”.
• All the massive tech layoffs have resulted in companies defensively deploying highly-automated screening, because many people will apply for everything.
• Screening software cares about certifications; hiring managers don’t.
• Get basic AWS/Kubernetes certifications, even if you have no interest in that kind of job; they’re like crack for screening software.
• Positions advertised as “remote” are often still limited to specific cities/states/regions. This may be disclosed in the posting, but usually not.
• The Dayton area has plenty of tech jobs, 90% of which are tied to Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, and require security clearances.
• You need to already have those clearances to apply.

So, what was it like being out of work for a year? Boring, mostly, but at least I was able to spend time with family. And unpack some of my stuff in sensible ways.

Between the accidentally-generous severance package (paid out at my full California salary, not the 75% regional adjustment for Ohio), a decent stock price for my RSUs, the lower cost of living, and the large amount of equity I’d built up in the California house (that sold for nearly twice what I bought the new one for), I had no financial worries, and could have gone another two+ years without a problem. Which I did not want to do.

I’m glad to be back in the saddle, and I’m glad to be part of a team of cool and quirky technical people again. As I said to my interim manager when he was announcing the RIF (interim, because my actual manager, his manager, and his manager were also being RIFd that day), I’d love to work with that team again, but probably not under Pure’s management.

Specifically, the VP-I-won’t-name who sent out a group email meant to reassure the remaining staff in his division, before our accounts were disabled. He said, “I was able to preserve the majority of the positions by moving them to different locations”.

Not the people, the headcount, and the locations were Prague and Hyderabad. And we’d just spent most of a year participating in the interview panels for the Prague folks we were told would increase the size of our team. To really rub it in, I was often the deciding vote in the panels, so I didn’t just train my replacements, I picked them!

(classical reference)

World Of Train, episode 6

Y’know, I hadn’t noticed that Our MacGuffin Girl is stacked enough to join the pon-pon club from last season, and that was before the world ended. Not that we’ll be getting any obvious fan-service in this show, either, not when they ensure that Our Train Girls skirt the issue whenever it flips up. Anyway, this week Our Bad Conductor reveals the events that led Yoka to run off to Ikebukuro, in a way that confirms that all five girls are perfectly normal teenagers. Then the zombies come, and we meet their queen.

Verdict: next week, brains!

(Yoka’s voice actress seems a bit overpowered for the limited role we’ve seen so far; meanwhile, it’s only the second big role for Reimi’s voice)

Speaking of queens of the dead,

Richard Roberts has a new “please don’t tell my parents…” novel out, a sequel to “…I’m queen of the dead”: Please Don’t Tell My Parents I Saved The World Again, featuring LA’s only teen necromancer versus the minions of a serious villain. Also, the return of Tonika!

Level 2 Cheat Boy, episode 5

Yes, it’s true, Our Wolf-Waifu has become so domesticated that she meets Her Master at the door when he gets home, wagging her tail. If he had a pipe and slippers, she’d have had them in her mouth. Not that they aren’t still sleeping in well-separated separate beds, for some silly reason.

This week, Our Spunky Princess gets the chance to have it her way after Her Asshole Dad and most of the other mages wipe themselves out casting a barrier big enough to stop Our Insulted Demon Lord’s army. First order of business: fire Our Idiot Hero.

Second order of business: find a way to save everyone from the consequences of his incredibly stupid decision. Which was rubbing a genie and making a wish.

Next week: genie gets an ass-whooping. Then the other shoe drops.

(nothing good ever comes from looting the palace treasury…)

Pepper Wolf, episode 6

In which Our Wise Wolf-Waifu says, “enough of this running shit”. And the dramatic line is spoken by Our Senior Merchant (whose voice actor, despite a career going back to Gunsmith Cats and beyond, will always be instantly recognizable to me as Zelada from Cop Craft; he also turned up recently in Sour Rangers as Lord Peltrola).

“The new phonebook’s here!”

(classical reference)

I’m officially set up at the new company, with all sorts of documents read and agreed to, payroll and benefits set up, and my work Mac mostly configured to behave sensibly. I’m sure there are a bunch of obscure settings I’ll have to recreate from memory; Apple really pushes hard to make you do things their way.

Now to disable all the job sites!

(amusing note: the company handbook says we have a strict no-weapons-of-any-kind policy, but I work from home, so just my kitchen puts me out of compliance… 😁)

My Kaiju Secret, episode 4

Our Overconfident Twintail makes everyone else feel useless, right up until she ends up on the wrong end of a spank-and-tank, triggering a series of flashbacks that explain her attitude problems. Our Impulsive Hero does exactly what you’d expect him to do under the circumstances, and we learn that this one goes to 11. Meanwhile, the plot is thickened and stirred by the sudden appearance of another humanoid kaiju.

Verdict: Kafka isn’t the only goofball in the gumball machine, although Kaiju#9 is coming at it from the other direction.

(she fights kinda like this, but with guns)

Undercover Mook, episode 5

Delayed a week by golfers.

The Naming Of Laps

I can’t set up my huge new work laptop until tomorrow morning when IT gives me the password, but I think I’ll call it Lammis (strong ARMs, big memories), and search for some Boxxo screenshots for wallpaper.

(it’ll have to be screenshots, because I’ve already used all of the half-decent fan-art at least once)

The worst part of Diablo 4

The Blizzard team is in love with their writing and voice acting, to the point that you often can’t interrupt it. There are some cutscenes you can get out of with the Esc key, and some dialogues that you can speed up by left-clicking, but not all of them, and not in a consistent way. For some of the most pointless and tedious ones, you have to sit through agonizingly terrible speeches by NPCs who have no story to tell. They’re just padding out a 10-second quest (“learn how to upgrade weapons and armor”).

No Sale

Ebay has a lot of mahjong sets for sale. Most of the ones labeled retro, vintage, or antique are what I’ve come to call “vintage Thursday”: obviously-brand-new bulk manufacture exported by the thousands. Made in China, of course, but for mahjong, that’s at least not the red flag it can be for other classes of products.

But even the sets that are labeled as new products have some quirks. Like this travel set, which has the laziest copy-paste product pics I’ve seen for quite a while. Do these people really look like they’re about to play mahjong?

I Dream Of Nephy, episode 6

One-sided talk-fight with bafflingly inappropriate soundtrack. Seriously, jazz sax? Could you maybe hire someone who recognizes the tone of the scene, or at least the genre of the show? Or are you just licensing any music you can get your hands on to save money?

Anyway, Our Seriously OP Sorcerer kinda-sorta-maybe confesses his true feelings, and Our Rescue Elf is so happy that she insists on wearing the slave collar again to show her love and devotion. But in a totally clean and heartwarming way, not one of those bad slave scenarios.

Verdict: …and yet this is far from the worst thing airing this season.

(“I’ve got a white-haired elf mage and I’m not afraid to use it”)

Nut Salad, episode 5

Our Indulgent Papa Detective gives Our Magical Loli Princess a bike and riding lessons, which was prompted by a non-service bathing scene of her chatting with Her New Best Friend. Which is followed by Our Homeless Service Knight hooking up with Her Runaway Hostess Pal for an extended bathing scene that is unlikely to be uncensored for the Bluray.

But wait, there’s more! If you order now, you’ll also get a tear-jerking scene of the girl-band you’ve never heard of breaking up, followed by not one but two karaoke songs that show off Loli and Hostess’ vocal talents! And right now, we’ll throw in a character-building Hostess flashback! And if that’s not good enough, we’ve got a whole B story for you as That Sleazy Guy takes advantage of Knight’s naïveté to pull her into a scalping scheme! But it’s not just a skit, it’s a better economics lesson than an entire season of Spice & Wolf! And it can all be yours for the low low price of a Crunchyroll subscription or a BitTorrent client!

Verdict: did I mention how fluffy this is?

(approximate fluff level…)

Slime Talkin’, episode 5

This week, The Knights Of The U-Shaped Table talk and talk and talk and even have a montage where they have animated lip flaps but no dialogue. Then Some Floating Guys try to pull a fast one and inspire more talk, attempting to set up a fight next week that’s probably just going to end up as a talk. Gratuitous panned still of Milim is gratuitous.

“Exterminate! Exterminate!”

Broadcom gave me three days notice to migrate my VMware support account to a Broadcom support account; existing accounts will simply stop working on the 6th. The site will also be down for 12 hours in the middle of that period. Wow, they really hate the idea of having customers, don’t they?

New work laptop…

Damn, the current 16-inch MacBook Pro is huge. I think I might still have a carrying case it would fit in, but fortunately I don’t need to actually take it anywhere.

(I used to have several bags and backpacks for 17-inch laptops, but I don’t think they survived the pre-cross-country-move cleanup)

Diablo 4

This is free on GamePass, so I finally got around to downloading and playing it. TL/DR: is it just me, or is this really low on power and loot compared to the earlier games? Plenty of mooks to kill, at least, and a few mini-bosses that are set up to stomp you at low levels.

Admittedly, D3 was broken at launch because they nerfed the loot to drive people to their real-money auction house, but eventually they fixed that and turned it into a proper hack-and-hoard Diablo game.

(I’ve never kept track of Diablo’s “lore”, so I’m just going to pretend that Lilith is Grea’s evil twin)

Signature required…

10 AM: “Your package is almost there!” (scheduled delivery 9:15 AM - 12:15 AM)

1:15 PM: “In Your Area” (scheduled delivery by 7 PM; not-so-live-map shows the truck four blocks away)

2:15 PM: “Almost There” (not-so-live-map has been showing the truck circling the area for the past hour, making right turns only, while staying at least four blocks away)

3:15 PM: “Almost There” (NSLM shows it 14 blocks away in the opposite direction, just leaving an under-renovation public pool)

4:15 PM: “Almost There” (“stay on target”, 10 blocks away, other direction again)

5:15 PM: “Almost There” (ditto)

6:15 PM: “Almost There” (ditto)

6:35 PM: “Delivered!”

(the “live” map refreshes only when Safari force-reloads it due to excessive memory use; basically, the truck has been in a 1-mile orbit around my house all day long, and the depot it came from is less than 2.5 miles away)

Meanwhile, in job-related news…

Once the background check was complete, my start date was set for this coming Monday. Today, they shipped out my new work laptop. This is sufficiently solid news to justify a small celebration; the real one doesn’t happen until I have direct deposit and the healthcare plan set up. Anyway, I’m firing up the deep-fryer to make wings tonight.

(…after a brief kerfluffle where Workday failed to email me that there were pending pre-employment tasks to complete, and I had to look up the SSO-bypass URL in order to get in and discover them for myself)

Snacks On A Train, episode 5

Okay, that got a bit shouty, but Our Raging Kong Gal gets a pass for being awesome. Let’s be clear, though, that books are not Good Eats. Also, Our Hot Little Doctor reveals some details about the big event, including the secret origin of Our Wibbly-Wobbly Trainmaster.

Verdict: the CGI was more obvious this week, but that’s kind of inevitable due to the setting. Not answered: did The Big Bad actually bone people?

Level 2 Cheat Boy, episode 4

This week, Our Proud Lady Knight gets a bit shouty in the aftermath of impressing the demon lord. They make a cute couple, almost as cute as Our Thicc Kitty’s frequently-displayed ass cheeks. Unfortunately for the local kingdom, the combination of an asshole king and an asshole hero leads to a full-fledged invasion. Next week: genie in a bottle.

Verdict: oh, come on; you’re already up to Hiya, and Our Shy Landlord is still blushingly not sleeping with his wolf-waifu? I disbelieve.

(demon waifu is unrelated)

The Wolf Of Waifu Street, episode 5

In the midst of explaining the latest twists in the currency-speculation plot, a prison break that has all the tension of a series of conversations. At least Holo explained how she keeps men from getting handsy.

Looks like someone at the pop-up café’s been… gushing

Post-Cellular-Apocalypse Schoolgirls Pulling Trains, episodes 1-4

Not nearly as shouty as the trailer, and Our Tan Gal Girl refuses to eat the bugs, which are both positive signs. The CG is well-integrated to the point that they seem to be showing off how well-integrated it is, and I suspect this will continue. You can always tell, but it’s not jarring like so many shows these days.

The second episode fleshes out the characters by bouncing their personalities against each other while they think about all the things they should have done to prep for a trip. Even Our Action Girl filled her backpack with useless junk, and the others didn’t bring anything but the change in their pockets.

Third is The Terror-Filled Flight From The Mushroom Planet (with apologies to Mr. Bass), in which Our Heroines are saved by the power of melons. Fourth is a whistle-stop acid-trip tour through places weirder than where they started, ending with some G-rated helicopter bondage.

As for Our Button-Pushing MacGuffin Girl, well, this was the first thing that came to mind…

(unrelated Cinderella Train Girls)

Slime Expo 3, episode 4

You’re not going to believe this, but they talked in two different locations this week.

Undercover Kaiju, episode 3

Our Monstrous Hero isn’t inferior, he’s just up against the best of the best. Meanwhile, Our Obnoxiously Superior Rich-Girl Twintail Bitch-Kitty desperately needs a spanking, by human or kaiju, preferably both. Hopefully that comes next week, and Kafka does something sufficiently impressive to make the team without breaking cover.

Verdict: the character art still bugs me, the OP and ED songs are things I never want to hear again, people in their twenties and thirties are built from high-school tropes, and The Power Of Trying Really Really Hard is overused, but somehow this does not suck.

(“giant monsters? oh, I must have misheard”)

Undercover Mook, episode 4

This week, Our Unjust Defenders Of Justice let their hair down, Our Fed-Up Mook lives to fight another day, Our Sparkly-Eyed Trainee gives him a hand and a backstory, and Our Gloomy Gloopy Acid Boy isn’t nearly as much fun as Mina Ashido.

Verdict: a bit incoherent in places, but hopefully they’ll fill in the plan with flashbacks next week.

I’m not sure I want Naughty Magical Girl sodas…

…even if they come with themed coasters.

Kana Tsuruta shows off her melons…

Unfortunately, the rest of this set, including the nude bits, was shot in harsh sunlight with a wide-angle lens.

“I can hear the ocean!”

Welcome Back Nephy, episode 5

WTF is with this music? It’s not THIS IS COMEDY, but it’s still intrusively loud, and it’s like they thought layering it onto the conversation scenes would be better than spending the money on, say, animation.

Anyway, obvious villain is obvious, and his monologing kills enough time for Our Socially-Inept Hero to arrive to save the day. But first, a Girls’ Night Out featuring Our Winged Tailor and Our Crybaby Knight.

Verdict: the music pushed this one toward the edge, Nephy developing a spine pulled it back, but then casting her devotion as servitude pushed it back again. As Leann Rimes put it, “I belong to you, and you belong with me”; so, we’re still DearS-adjacent in relationship dynamics.

(white-haired elf mage is unrelated)

Nut Salad, episode 4

Our Homeless Knight And Her Cans appear only briefly, but as compensation, Our Magical Princess serves as wingman for Our Ethical Detective as we add two new non-loli babes to the cast, as well as an age-appropriate friend. Bully for her.

Verdict: we get a bit of Exposition Music leaking in from that other show, but it at least provides some useful backstory. This show continues to be fluffy and innoffensive.

(office ladies are vaguely relevant)

Oh! My Game Goddess!

I’ll pick two words to describe this show:

1. bland
2. exposition

It should be pretty easy for fan-artists to draw the girls, since their designs are straight out of a how-to-draw-manga book, and their ugly uniforms will be replaced by lingerie and tentacles anyway.

(Sonia probably has a few tentacle stories to tell…)

Dear Amazon,

You couldn’t even cremate me in these “4+ star styles”: