This week has had far too many “news” stories to count that appear to be desperately hoping for Zombie-Apocalypse-level results from Corona-chan that kill uncountable numbers of Americans, destroy the US economy, and, most importantly, keep Trump from being re-elected.

I wish I were kidding, but Paul Krugman cheering this week’s massive drop in the DOW is only a small example of the current trend in batshit crazy leftism. Even his.

The problem is, if the world doesn’t end by October, then the party that’s gone all-in for open borders, globalism, and rationed healthcare will find itself holding bake sales to pay back its campaign debts (hashtag brownies, no doubt). Their own demands, proudly broadcast, will be the best evidence that we should never let them back into any position more intellectually demanding than “wrangling the turdcutter through the sewers”.

Before Corona-chan, their primary path to victory was massive vote fraud. Now it’s Mad Max.

“Cave Johnson here. Just a reminder that the core goal of Aperture Gas-Finding Science is to find gas, so make sure you let us know if you see any. If we meet our quarterly gas-finding target, I promise you we will don our bondage gear, fuel our death cars, and drive around in circles, whooping it up and shooting arrows at people. Who is ready to rule the wasteland? Alright, start looking.”

Personally, after the coordinated character assassination of Brett Kavanaugh, I wouldn’t vote for a Democrat to clean toilets with xyr tongue.

Another Python falls.

Make The Rubble Bounce.

Not this one:

On second thought, your time would be better spent drafting a resolution supporting lap-dancing Flintstones cosplayers. It has the gravitas that the In Peaches Mentos fund-raising telethon lacks.

Ah, California, where wind power and electric cars are the future, and wind-induced power outages are the present.

(classical reference)

I’m starting to feel a little sorry for Hillary Clinton, as she goes Tom Cruise Crazy in front of the cameras, revealing that America —and the world— dodged a huge bullet in 2016. Seriously, she damn near killed herself during the campaign, despite never visiting the states she needed to win, and her current public mental breakdown is right up there with being chucked into a van like a sack of potatoes.

I’m not wasting any pity on the In Peaches Mentos clowns, though, who have long since gone full Bullwinkle.

Never go full Bullwinkle.

What kind of news stories do you automatically ignore? Here’s a few random filters of mine:

• anything violating the 72-hour rule on a breaking story by jumping to conclusions about what happened based on reporter bias and/or third-hand rumors (such as the almost-never-true “second shooter”).

• obviously-staged “hate crimes”. To a first approximation, all hate crimes are faked.

• breathless reports of new “scientific” discoveries.

• any headline that includes an obvious stop word, such as: trigger, intersectional, cis, trans, appropriation, diversity, woke, patriarchy, fascist, anti-fascist, vegan, problematic, ally, undocumented, structural, inclusive, identity, nazi, dogwhistle, toxic, microaggression, ableist, diversity, *-phobia, etc; unless it’s the Bee, of course…

• any headline mentioning Edward Snowden that doesn’t prefix his name with the words “Russian spy”.

Right after the 2016 election, the owner of Penzey’s went Full Batshit in his newsletter, going so far as to say he didn’t want the business of anyone who didn’t demand that Trump be removed from office. So I stopped being his customer and switched to a company that sells spices rather than hate, The Spice House.

Three years later, the deranged dipshit’s still at it, buying ads demanding impeachment.

As the Bee put it:

Survey Finds More People Would Support Impeachment If They Knew What Crime Trump Was Supposed To Have Committed

Potentially-historic snowstorm in progress; 60 MPH winds and 4 feet of snow to hit the northern Rocky Mountains.