Dear Amazon

Dear Amazon,


Well, at least you can’t be accused of whitewashing your recommendations…

Dear Amazon,


I suppose it can’t be any worse than meeting Godzilla, but still, this wasn’t one of those obscure 75th-page recommendations, it’s currently #20 on my list, which usually suggests a fairly strong correlation, so I’m assuming you see some plot parallels here, right?

A series of tubes


“Dear Amazon, do I use teflon tape to attach this to my pipes?”

Dear Amazon,


I don’t like you in that way

Dear Amazon,


Well, some of these might be more stimulating than the Godzilla movies you recommended for a previous “night in”

more...

Dear Amazon Japan,


I thought that filing a czech tool under “Camping & Hiking” was odd…

…then I scrolled down…

more...

Dear Amazon,


Quoting:

“In the future, Amazon Prime will be Whole Foods Market’s customer rewards program, providing Prime members with special savings and other in-store benefits.”

Since I don’t buy groceries with a credit card (or a debit card, for that matter), I presume you’ll be using the phone number associated with my primary shipping address.

…on the rare occasion that I’m willing to drive 35 minutes to a Whole Foods. Which admittedly has better parking than the equally-distant Trader Joe’s.

(I’m still pissed about the closing of the Nob Hill that was in walking distance from my house when I bought it, and now the nearest Safeway has the audacity to close between 2am and 5am; my First World Problems are just getting out of hand…)

Dear Amazon Japan,


I wonder if I can get these shipped to the nearest Whole Foods now…

50,000 Rubber Ducks, ¥2,500,000

500-gram gold bar, ¥3,230,238

472cm brachiosaurus figure, ¥2,268,000

“Need a clue, take a clue,
 got a clue, leave a clue”