Dear Amazon

Dear Amazon,

This is not a hand mixer.

yarn winder, not hand mixer

Dear Amazon,

Well, I suppose they’re both covers…

Umbrella for Kindle

Dear Amazon,

Please stop handing packages over to USPS. Two-day shipping is now four if I’m lucky, on a package that will be completely useless to me soon, since they didn’t even try to deliver on Monday, and then (allegedly) showed up at my office today at 6:04pm and found the front door locked.

Dear Amazon,

Another slight classification error:

#1 best-seller in computer monitor accessories?

I’m not sure how you’re supposed to use this with your computer monitor, but I suspect first-person shooters are involved…

Dear Amazon,

I would pay an extra $N/year for a Really Prime service which included the feature “will not use USPS for shipping”. Every other carrier you use is either on-time or early, but I get things faster from Amazon Japan than when you do “two-day” shipping via USPS.

You seem to assume that if a package is processed at the local post office in the wee hours of the morning, then it will manage to reach my office 0.7 miles away before the end of that same business day. Sadly, it ain’t so. They might manage to make it there by 7pm, but they’ll just cruise on by, because they know the front door is locked. If they’re busy, they won’t even do that, they’ll just wait until after 8pm and mark it “business closed”. Or both, turning it into a four-day delivery.

Dear Amazon Recommendation System,

My mind conjured up a rather horrible image of the events that led to this recommendation:

Pampers, because you like circular saws

This one kind of made sense, though:

Luvs, because you want a shop-vac

Dear Amazon,

So, this is your Thanksgiving recommendation for me?


Doomfarers of Santa

Dear Amazon, I think you’ve got your wires a bit crossed…

Doomfarers of Santa

I just don’t remember any reindeer, red-nosed or otherwise, in Brian Daley’s debut fantasy novel.

“Need a clue, take a clue,
 got a clue, leave a clue”