This is not a hand mixer.

Well, I suppose they’re both covers…

Please stop handing packages over to USPS. Two-day shipping is now four if I’m lucky, on a package that will be completely useless to me soon, since they didn’t even try to deliver on Monday, and then (allegedly) showed up at my office today at 6:04pm and found the front door locked.

Another slight classification error:

I’m not sure how you’re supposed to use this with your computer monitor, but I suspect first-person shooters are involved…

I would pay an extra $N/year for a Really Prime service which included the feature “will not use USPS for shipping”. Every other carrier you use is either on-time or early, but I get things faster from Amazon Japan than when you do “two-day” shipping via USPS.

You seem to assume that if a package is processed at the local post office in the wee hours of the morning, then it will manage to reach my office 0.7 miles away before the end of that same business day. Sadly, it ain’t so. They might manage to make it there by 7pm, but they’ll just cruise on by, because they know the front door is locked. If they’re busy, they won’t even do that, they’ll just wait until after 8pm and mark it “business closed”. Or both, turning it into a four-day delivery.

My mind conjured up a rather horrible image of the events that led to this recommendation:

This one kind of made sense, though:

So, this is your Thanksgiving recommendation for me?

Dear Amazon, I think you’ve got your wires a bit crossed…

I just don’t remember any reindeer, red-nosed or otherwise, in Brian Daley’s debut fantasy novel.