Jumanji is still in over 2,500 theaters, and the Bluray pre-release (March 20) is #2 on Amazon in both the Comedy and Action/Adventure categories, and #7 in Movies/TV (any format).

Well, Amazon Prime has my movie nights planned out for March:

• The Color Of Magic (season 1)
• Earth Girls Are Easy
• Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
• F/X
• F/X 2
• Hackers (just for the young Angelina Jolie, honest)
• I’m Gonna Git You Sucka
• big batch of Bond films
• Valerian (based on the reviews, “free” sounds about right)

Update

Attempted to watch Valerian last night. I had to stop, because everything about it was just dull. At first I thought, “is the guy trying to sound like Keanu Reeves on ’ludes?”, then I thought, “is the chick trying to sound like a zombie version of Android from Dark Matter?”.

In the end, I decided that Luc Besson had the entire cast snorting the herb Valerian, which is why they all talked like they were sedated.

I think I’d like to see stills of the CGI backgrounds, but they’d be too busy to use as wallpaper on my laptop. They were certainly too busy to enjoy on-screen.

• “the first blockbuster-format release featuring a black hero front and center”, according to the newborns at Salon who’ve never seen a movie or learned to google.

• so good that only racists could possibly dislike it, according to some HuffPo clown upset about the existence of a negative review on Rotten Tomatoes.

• probably better than the Ghostbusters remake, despite the virtue signalling of idiots like the ones above.

• full of really loud hip-hop and rapping, according to the trailers, which seems a bit odd for an incredibly high-tech African country with a long history of secrecy and isolation and no connection to American urban black culture.

• not on my list to see in theaters, because most cinema audio systems are set to REALLYREALLYLOUD, and that’s not the sort of music I enjoy hearing at high volume for two hours.

• hitting all my Marvel Fatigue buttons. It took me two months to finish watching Age of Ultron, I still haven’t bothered with Civil War, I skipped the Spiderman reboot, I blew off Ragnarok until I can rent it on Amazon, and I’m unlikely to see Infinity War in theaters. Ant-Man And The Wasp, maybe, but there’s a suspicious lack of wombats in the trailer.

• not as cool as Deadpool 2.

Still one of my favorites, under any title, and Should Not Be Remade!

Trying to watch the new trailer for Ready Player One just crashed my Mac’s login sessions. Didn’t reboot, didn’t crash any backgrounded services, just blew away both my work and personal logins.

Never seen that one before.

“You’ve got no alternative Seymour old boy
though it means you’ll be broke again and unemployed
it’s the only solution it can’t be avoided
THE VEGETABLE MUST BE DESTROYED.”

The teaser trailer for Thor: Ragnarok was cool, but—having seen the other movies—I was worried that the finished product would be nothing like it. Now that I’ve seen the comic-con trailer, I hope that the movie will be nothing like this one.

On the DC side of the fence, everything looks solid in the Justice League trailer except for Flash, who seems to be woefully miscast, as well as cursed with terrible dialogue and a clunky costume. However, since the only current-generation DC movie I liked was Wonder Woman, I’m not getting my hopes up. There’s still plenty of ways for them to screw the pooch.

Gee, I wonder why the folks who subbed the Rape Zombie series and put it up on Amazon Video left that part out of the title, and just went with “Lust Of The Dead”…

It’s nice to know that if you want to watch hilariously terrible low-budget soft-core schlock movies, Amazon’s got your back. The “customers who watched this also watched” list for this one is like a blackout drinking game of awful titsplosions.