Movies

Ghost Hunters: The Movie


Still one of my favorites, under any title, and Should Not Be Remade!

Well, that’s appropriate…


Trying to watch the new trailer for Ready Player One just crashed my Mac’s login sessions. Didn’t reboot, didn’t crash any backgrounded services, just blew away both my work and personal logins.

Never seen that one before.

Apropos of nothing…


“You’ve got no alternative Seymour old boy
though it means you’ll be broke again and unemployed
it’s the only solution it can’t be avoided
THE VEGETABLE MUST BE DESTROYED.”

Enthusiasm Level: Tepid


The teaser trailer for Thor: Ragnarok was cool, but—having seen the other movies—I was worried that the finished product would be nothing like it. Now that I’ve seen the comic-con trailer, I hope that the movie will be nothing like this one.

On the DC side of the fence, everything looks solid in the Justice League trailer except for Flash, who seems to be woefully miscast, as well as cursed with terrible dialogue and a clunky costume. However, since the only current-generation DC movie I liked was Wonder Woman, I’m not getting my hopes up. There’s still plenty of ways for them to screw the pooch.

Sanitized For Your Perversion


Gee, I wonder why the folks who subbed the Rape Zombie series and put it up on Amazon Video left that part out of the title, and just went with “Lust Of The Dead”…

It’s nice to know that if you want to watch hilariously terrible low-budget soft-core schlock movies, Amazon’s got your back. The “customers who watched this also watched” list for this one is like a blackout drinking game of awful titsplosions.

WTF WTF West


It was late, I was bored, and Wild Wild West was free on Amazon Prime video. I vaguely remembered that it was… “less than good” (and not “so bad it’s good”), but also that it prominently featured the delectable Salma Hayek.

How did so many talented people manage to commit such a dreadful train wreck?

Okay, there’s the claim that producer Jon Peters tries to get a giant mechanical spider into all of his films.

And the gang-bang rewrites of the script.

And the last-minute reshoots to “clarify” the fact that it was supposed to be a comedy.

And that Kevin Kline “considered himself too good of an actor for the finished product”, despite a lack of evidence for this in his performance.

And Will Smith’s admission that giving up the lead role in The Matrix for this was his worst career decision ever.

And the decision to use the original series theme in only one scene.

And Kenneth Branagh attempting Frank N Furter levels of campiness.

Hmmm, I think I’m answering my own question here…

Wonder Woman


Worth seeing on the big screen, which is something I haven’t said about a DC movie in many years. For that matter, I can’t remember the last one I said was worth seeing at all.

Apart from some shots that were ruined by being designed for 3D (which I never bother with; I’m a Monday-morning-matinee cheapskate), I thought everything looked great. Gal Gadot gives an excellent fish out of water, coming of age performance, and the rest of the cast holds it together nicely. I even liked the child actors.

Amusing note: one of the previews for this film was Atomic Blonde, which was absolutely filled with ridiculous chick-fu combat scenes that required more strength, speed, and stamina than James Bond and Jason Bourne put together. Wonder Woman can fight against men that way; human women cannot, and I don’t see anything about her being a cyborg. Also amusing was the “fight like a girl” trailer for the new Transformers movie, which carried a message of grrrl power and nice tits, which is always important when you’re watching giant robots bash each other into scrap metal.

Update: The BluRay pre-release is currently #11 on Amazon. I think it’s a hit…

Guardians of the Galaxy 2


They should have just called it “Tiny Groot Adventures”.

The movie is 2 hours, 16 minutes, and I don’t know if that counts the multiple before/during/after-credits scenes. It definitely doesn’t count the 20 minutes of trailers I had to sit through with earplugs in. I should have just showed up 15 minutes late; the theater was pretty empty at 10:40 AM on a Monday.

Without spoiling anything, I’ll just say that I don’t think it had 136 minutes of story to tell. The celebrity cameos felt forced, Kurt Russell’s performance turned to crap when he (spoilered), and the extended dance mix of (spoiler’s) (spoiler) at the end just went on and on. I was catching Pokemon for most of it.

Also, while the Stan Lee cameo in the previous film was amusing, his first scene in this one was a bit too wink-wink-nudge-nudge, and the second was just dumb. Howard the Duck’s performance was less annoying than Stan Lee’s.

Apart from the three major cameos, nothing really threw me out of the film, and those bits were short enough that I was able to forget them and enjoy the ride. I wouldn’t go see it again, even as a matinee, and I don’t think I’ll buy the Bluray. I’ll watch it again with friends when it comes out, but just the once.

Note: yes, that’s Ben Browder. And Ving Rhames. And Michelle Yeoh. And even Michael Rosenbaum playing someone bald…

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 got a clue, leave a clue”