[Update: Ah, almost none of them (besides the obvious) are loanwords; the drawn-out vowels and -ra ending are apparently Edokko slang]

[Update: I feel a little better, after getting email back from my Japanese teacher that read, “I don’t know what they’re saying, either.”]

Lyrics to the b-side from the latest single release by Melon Kinenbi. I didn’t have much trouble with the Japanese part, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out half of the loanwords they’ve worked in.

顔がダメ　会話がダメ
タイプじゃない　ピンと来ない
合コンもこの頃マンネリ

私には時間がない
回り道してられない
違ったら次を探さなきゃ

賞味期限って何よ！
私はまだ旬よ！
大人の女

パスよ　パス　チェンジ　あり得ない
坊や帰って寝んねしな
ハスッパ　ゲロンパ　バレテーラ　それが何？
パスよ　パス　チェンジ　聞こえたの？
よい子じゃ物足りない
ペロっと　ガンターれ　オンナザカリ

あれもダメ　これもダメって
わがままは女の権利
花の命は短いのよ

流した涙の数は 未来の幸せの数
怯まないで前に進みましょ

白馬の王子様
そんなの戯言だわ
クールな女

パスよ　パス　チェンジ　繰り返す
こんなはずじゃないでしょ
サラッと　スリット　しけテーラ　現実は
パスよ　パス　チェンジ　ごめんなさい
妥協は許されない
チュチュッと　バローレ　オンナザカリ

賞味期限って何よ！
私はまだ旬よ！
大人の女

パスよ　パス　チェンジ　あり得ない
坊や帰って寝んねしな
ハスッパ　ゲロンパ　バレテーラ　それが何？
パスよ　パス　チェンジ　聞こえたの？
よい子じゃ物足りない
ペロっと　ガンターれ　オンナザカリ
ペロっと　ガンターれ　オンナザカリ

Asami Konno joined Morning Musume as a baby-faced 14-year-old, and after five years, put her career on hold to go to college. She later decided that she could balance the two, performing occasionally while giving priority to her studies, but in the interim, she had the chance to do something that must have been the envy of all her friends:

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You’re a fresh, pretty young girl, and I’m sure you have a bright career ahead of you in the idol business.

Seriously, if you weren’t still on the dangerous side of sixteen, you’d already be breaking my heart.

However, there’s something very important that you need to know about your career: you work for Hello!Project, and where other talent agencies are content with using up fresh, pretty young girls as if they were tissue paper, H!P takes a more comprehensive approach to destroying souls. Just ask fellow member Risa Niigaki:

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The phrase “voted best punk band by Shoujo Beat” pretty much sums up this song by Ketchup Mania. I think it’s a bad sign when you can listen to punk rock and visualize the anime series that it would make a good opening-credits song for.

[Update: animated music video for another Ketchup Mania song.]

After all, these people were mainstream American entertainers.

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[Update: No, I can’t figure it all out. The onomatopoeia is common in Japanese web pages, but not in anything I’ve got, and I basically gave up on the “mean-spirited trick” line. I got the gist of the “sinful whisper” verse, at least. Also, is there a word for a 1.5-entendre? Kurumu’s not exactly being subtle, here. No wonder they call it a “character song”: prehensile breasts, mesmerizing gaze, aggressive affection; yup, that’s our succubust!]

Feel free to sing along…

あなたが好きと　ときめくフルーツが
ビキニから　はちきれそう
ぷるん　ぷるん　ぽろん
 
あなたのハート　ひとり占めしたくて
気づかないフルで　チラリと きわどいポーズ
なのに…
 
こっちを見ないシャイネスボーイ
決めました　強引にいっちゃう!
 
やっふ　やふふーっ
SUN　SUN　SUN　パラソルの下で　髪の
星のリボンをほどいて　刺激的な　秘密あげる
NON　NON　NON　はずかしいけれど　いいの
あなたをトリコにしちゃう　ちゃんと　瞳を見て
恋してる　私　渚のデカメロン
 
とくべつ甘い　真夏のスイーツは
いかがでしょ　抱きついたの
ぷにん ぷにん むぎゅん
 
あわてた顔が　なんだか憎らしい
もうすこしワルイ　いじわる 仕掛けちゃうから
だって…
 
恋人ライン　越せずに
好きなのに　くちびるが遠いよ
 
やっふ　やふふーっ
SUN　SUN　SUN　わざとケンカして　逃げる
波打ち際で もつれて　濡れた素肌　つかまえてね
NON　NON　NON　ふるえているけど　平気
あなたの自由にしてと　そっと　吐息でいう
耳元で　罪な　おしゃべりデカメロン
 
やっふ　やふふーっ
SUN　SUN　SUN　パラソルの下で　髪の
星のリボンをほどいて　刺激的な　秘密あげる
NON　NON　NON　はずかしいけれど　いいの
あなたをトリコにしちゃう　ちゃんと　瞳を見て
恋してる　私　渚のデカメロン

…would be the deRapper, which automatically identifies and deletes gratuitous rap sequences inserted into otherwise pleasant songs. You’d probably have to upgrade to deRapper Pro to add the ability to filter out rap background “vocals” that intrude on the actual song.

[this post brought to you by Melon Kinenbi’s Akuma de Fake, Onegai Miwaku no Target (Melon Pudding Mix), and Kousui (Hard Flavor Mix), the latest such vandalisms to pass my ears]

There are several enjoyable performances on the Hello Pro Party 2005 DVD. This is probably the best: