Perhaps I’ve been away from teenage girls for too long, but my automatic reaction to this product suggests I should be kept away from them…

I do not want this. Using a smartphone app to remotely control a high-tech Japanese toilet is carrying things just a bit too far.

Fewer desperate runaways and lonely housewives this month, and a whole bunch of ads for cable/satellite piracy (幻のカード = “dream card” for around 25,000 - 40,000 yen).

The other hilarious wrinkle is that one of the sex sites must have signed up with a new spam agency that’s used to selling something else. Here are some of the fresh women offering access to their sexy profiles, replacing the usual Yumiko, Akane, Yui, Miku, etc:

Everette Rosenberg, Hershel Holmes, Krystal Garza, Young Dixon, Russell Bryant, Sidney Ogden, Nolan Elder, Stuart Mclaughlin, Lilly Gillis, Clifford Jernigan, Kyle Brantley, Alicia Thacker, Norma Head, Dirk Woodard, ...

All is not lost, however; one of today’s is from a lovely young lady named “83/59/84のCカップ”, whose parents clearly planned ahead.

It’s possible I’m reading the wrong thing into the title of this magazine feature, but given the “no boyfriends” lifestyle imposed on you by your management, can I say that I at least hope you have access to a Throbbing Accessory Catalog?

“Pictures of Catgirls make real life seem bland and dull.
Pictures of Catgirls help you through the night.
Pictures of Catgirls, safer than real women.
Pictures of Catgirls make it all seem right.”

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Jamie Zawinski reports, but graciously allows the offenders to escape unnamed.

…based on clear trends in Apple’s design and form factor.

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