Who came up with the idea of using black boxes full of white text as the universal character-sheet format? I just took a look at the new 4th Edition Dungeons and Dragons character sheet, and there they are again! It’s like these people have never heard of chartjunk, or, more significantly, inkjet printers that bleed.

The designer at least had the good sense to use nice thick fonts in the reversed-out sections, but its still a huge inkblot, and the layout of the key data is an assault on the senses. I’m also surprised that someone would go to the trouble of using Adobe InDesign to lay this out, and then not bother keeping the text grid consistent between columns.

There are sure to be third-party character sheets, some better, most worse, but if Wizards actually delivers their promised official online tools, and they don’t completely suck, almost everyone will use them, which means their official character sheet will dominate. Pity.

Despite the fact that I poke fun at Amazon’s recommendation system a lot, I respect the amount of work they’ve put into solving a really hard problem. How do you classify how “similar” two items are? How can you tell the difference between classes of items that you want more of and classes where one satisfies the demand? When should you consider two items too similar? Etc, etc.

They’re mixing a lot of variables together, and trying hard to sort something to the top that will be interesting. Sometimes, they sort too many of the same class of item to the top. Sometimes, they come up with surprising, apparently insightful associations. Sometimes, they just goof.

And sometimes, I have to stop and try to figure it out. Today’s link goes from a lighthearted relationship comedy to a hardcore rape cartoon. The anime series Please Teacher is certainly suggestive at times, but it’s really a story about two misfits who accidentally marry and try to make it work. The only disturbing elements are the age difference and power imbalance between the couple: she’s his high-school teacher (and an alien with a powerful spaceship), and his physical maturity is below average for his age (especially compared to her height and lush curves).

Because I’ve told Amazon that I own one of the DVDs in this series, although I haven’t rated it, it recommended something called Perverted Thomas, which is apparently about a guy who learns an “ancient Chinese secret” that lets him force any woman to have sex with him. I’m pretty sure it’s not Calgon.

I think the link actually runs backwards, because on that page, Amazon reports that people who bought Perverted Thomas also bought animated titles like Night Shift Nurses, Maid Service, Xtra Credit, Mother Knows Breast, Anyone You Can Do I Can Do Better, Hot For Teacher, and … Please Teacher.

Boy, I bet they’re going to be disappointed.

[The also-bought list also included Cutey Honey, Appleseed, Please Twins, Elfen Lied, and Witchblade…]

One of the other students in my reading class brought in the first chapter of the One Piece manga, which we finished a few weeks ago. Towards the end, there’s a scene in the bar where the villain Higuma is laughing with his gang about how pathetic Shanks and his pirates seem to be. One line in particular is noteworthy.

To set the scene properly, the teacher is a rather attractive woman “somewhere past age 30” (coughcough), there are two male students in their early twenties who are big Japanese pop-culture fans, and a basically-bilingual female student who’s about 19. And me, the big hairy over-40 otaku. We were translating as we went, and I had just finished reading the following speech bubble:

酒ぶっかけられても文句一つ言えねェで!!

This loosely translates as, “they didn’t even complain when I threw a drink in his face!”, but before I had a chance to say that, the teacher launched into an explanation of the verb, which she was sure we wouldn’t know: bukkakeru.

All three of us guys were trying hard not to say anything, or look at each other. We just let that one go quietly by…

Fail.

With the latest antics among the Democrats, I was reminded of the video from their last convention [NSFW!].

Following up on earlier discussions of the trainwreck that was the anime version of Rosario&Vampire, I recently picked up the latest issue of the magazine that’s running the manga, Jump SQ, and learned that:

• They're hyping the light novel.
• They're hyping the game, including its two new girls in a crowd scene, holding a DS Lite.
• They're hyping the second season of the anime, which, if the pictures are to be believed, consists entirely of swimsuit scenes, and adds Our Hero's human cousin Kyouko and the second loli, Moka's little sister Cocoa.
• In this episode, Nekonome-sensei kicks off a membership drive for the newspaper club. How to get attention? Cheerleader costumes!
• Cocoa finds this incompatible with her dignity, and flees the fan-service, with Yukari chasing after her. Flying lolis in skimpy cheerleader costumes.
• Chuu is in the manga cast now, and hangs out with Cocoa. I don't know if he was added because of the anime, or in spite of it; I'm not really following this series.
• Our lolis go looking for another club for Cocoa, and get booted out of several for being too young. Cocoa doesn't handle frustration well, so Yukari offers her latest magical item: instant puberty candy.
• Cocoa's a big hit with her new look, easily winning a brick-breaking contest at the karate club, and breaking dozens of hearts in the process. It doesn't hurt that her cheerleading costume didn't quite scale to match her new figure.
• Cocoa is thrilled with the power in her new adult body, and the effect it had on all the boys. Yukari's thrilled too; not only did they win a lot of money, but she likes Cocoa's new body, too. Especially the boobs.
• ...so much so that she goes in for a squeeze, leading Cocoa to moan, "oh, what's this strange feeling?", and the lecherous Yukari shows no signs of stopping.
• Fortunately, Cocoa's honor is saved by the dishonored karate club, who wants a private rematch to salvage their reputation.
• Naturally the pill wears off just as she's about to kick their asses, dropping her skirt around her ankles. Full-frontal loli-pantsu!

I know there have been a few “serious” chapters in this second series, but they don’t seem to have advanced the overall plot significantly. No matter what happens, Tsukune won’t change in a way that will prevent his harem from glomping him at every opportunity. He can’t leave the school, he can’t stop being at least partially human, and he can’t commit to any one girl. Similarly, Alt-Moka must remain constrained by the rosario, or outer Moka will effectively die.

The mangaka might want to break out of this genre, even if he doesn’t have a real long-term plan for a serious story, but he’s trapped. There’s too much merchandise that focuses on the harem side of the series. Maybe he can work out some of those issues in the light novel, but I think the manga’s future is clear.

In the Kino’s Journey short story we’ve been reading in class, the following line appears as Hermes the talking motorcycle is introduced as a “Motorado”:

（注・二輪車。空を飛ばないものだけを指す）

Translated: “Note: two-wheeled vehicle. Refers only to non-flying ones”.

The origin of the word appears to be German: “motorrad”, as in BMW Motorrad, makers of fine motorcycles. All the Japanese search engines I’ve checked turn up lots of links to Kino, followed by a few to generic motorcycle discussions.

So why does the author feel compelled to point out that Hermes can’t fly? I just spotted the exact same phrase while skimming through the first Kino novel, in every story. Where’s the ambiguity? If motorado isn’t in common use in Japanese outside of Kino and motorcycle fans, why stress the fact that Hermes is a non-flying two-wheeler, every time?

After eleven novels, two spinoff novels, an anime series, and two OVAs, isn’t someone who picks up a special-edition Kino book going to be pretty clear about at least the non-flying part? The novels are really short story collections, originally published individually in a magazine, so I can see the first half-dozen or so introducing unfamiliar katakana words like モトラド and パースエイダー, but doing it every time is either an editorial standard or a stylistic choice, and just calling it a “two-wheeled vehicle” is somehow insufficient.

1. The use of marketing phrases to describe the release of a product shall be forbidden. In particular, the word "drop" shall be reserved for articles announcing that a product has been removed from the market.
2. Press releases for objects which are not only unreleased, but nonexistent, shall be clearly labeled "concept art," "design project," "spec work," "wishful thinking," "investor pitch," "violates second law of thermodynamics," or some other appropriate, factual description.
3. Press releases that contain neither release dates nor specifications shall be considered to fall into one of the above categories.
4. Factual information contained in press releases shall be clearly presented above the fold.
5. Embedded links to manufacturers and products shall go directly to the most appropriate page on the most official source available at the time. The practice of burying the source to generate additional ad impressions shall not be tolerated.
6. Contributors shall demonstrate at least a grade-school grasp of English composition.
7. Except when discussing products and services specifically designed for adult-only audiences, contributors shall write for a general audience, not a locker room.
8. Contributors and editors shall not suffer a shill to live.