Metallic Rouge, episode 4

Wow, that was a mess. It’s really weird to read an episode review and find praise for all the things I thought were terrible about the story. Usually I think Tenka Seiha’s takes are too negative, but this week he nailed it.

Verdict: bored now.

(picture is completely unrelated, to take the bad taste out of my mouth)

Frieren, episode 21

Finally! This was better than last week’s episode, despite there still being no reason to care about most of the mages. It helped that they let us see Flamme again and tied her to the ancient elf that popped up out of nowhere last week. Now, if they can manage not to drag out the next round of the tournament…

Verdict: a bad run of Frieren episodes is still better than 90% of what’s out there.

Molesting Magical Girls, episode 5

There are innocent ways to play house and play doctor. Our New Emotionless Loli, however, has knowledge beyond her years and kinks to match. If you thought forum commenters were squicked out before, this episode should send them into orbit as she shows off her fully-nude transformation, mind-controls two of Our Gullible Magical Girls into violating the third, then takes a firm hand with Our Sick Villainess, for her own good and ours.

Verdict: …and yet this is actually a character-driven story that introduces a new teammate and shows her life being improved by making friends.

(this is more wholesome than Alice’s idea of a lady doctor…)

Pon-Pon-Q, episode 5

The big news this week is not that Girl#5 joins the gang, but that the other girls wear different clothes. This is sufficiently rare in anime that it deserves a callout, even though the results are less revealing. Sadly, while the eyecatch shows them switching costumes, there’s no magical-girl nude transformation scene.

It’s not like they just wear different outfits every day like normal people, though; there has to be a reason, and this week’s reason is having a barbecue picnic (while promising a future swimsuit episode).

Verdict: despite Our New Goth Girl’s obsession with a revenge match, this is an actual cute-girls-doing-cute-things episode, with no mahjong content. This also means no man-face “jokes”, which is a real bonus. Next week: more costume changes.

(…but not this sort of costume change)

Been There, Done That

AKA the second-best Groundhog Day episode back when everyone was doing that, AKA Xena season 3 episode 2. The series has rotated back to being on Prime again, so I had to watch it, to see if it still held up. The answer is… mixed. The episode is still funny, but the video was horribly over-compressed, which made it barely watchable; my HD streams were fine, which means that Amazon doesn’t have a decent SD source for the show.

Also, I remember Gabrielle being a lot cuter when I originally watched this show. Still young, healthy, and girl-shaped, so I’m guessing my memory merged her with other blonde actresses of the Nineties. After all, I haven’t seen any of this stuff in nearly 30 years.

Just got a phone call from someone claiming to be Amazon Customer Support, trying to confirm recent purchases. This was suspicious not because of his random phone number and strong Indian accent, but because he claimed to be Amazon Customer Support, a group that is slightly less mythical than the Easter Bunny.

I asked him what the email address associated with this Amazon account was, and he carefully spelled out “outdoorlimited@…”.

So I hung up, changed my password at Outdoor Limited, and contacted their customer service to let them know they’d been hacked.

Update

...and another one today. Oddly enough, they hung up before I could.

In which both the OP and the ED are omitted to make room for three bathing scenes (steam and soap say: “buy the Bluray”), and with the exception of a short bit highlighting that the new Hero is a psychotic loon working for an ambitious cardinal, the story is A Day In The Slow Life for Our Girls Gone Mild. Followed by A Night In The Old Life, which leads to some nice character development for Our First Friend.

Ruti is adorably awkward at normal life, but she’s trying really hard. I particularly appreciate that Tisse manages to navigate the day without the writers resorting to Shouting Is Comedy. Instead, they actually put in the effort to make it warm and funny.

Verdict: Best. Episode. Yet.

Now that’s a compelling offer!

Just spotted in a job posting:

Competitive pay up to $[highest pay] per hour

Frieren, episode 20

They’re trying really hard to make us care about these new mages. It’s not working for me, and they didn’t even compensate with intimate close-up shots of Little Miss Fan-Service. Sure, it was nice to see Fern casually taking down two experienced combat mages, but then we had to sit through the exposition on why they’re pursuing this certification in the first place. Which sounds a tad suspicious.

Verdict: please burn down the forest in the first minute of the next episode.

The Apothecary Diaries, episode 16

Sherlock Maomao returns to solve a locked room drawer mystery, and gently hints that maybe you don’t want to sniff lead solder in rooms without ventilation. While she’s got her Great Detective hat on, she also figures out a small piece of the larger puzzle. Pity she’s not in the room when Creepy Monocle Guy drops a hint the size of a small boulder, which somehow zooms right past Jinshi.

Verdict: this is pulling ahead of Frieren by the simple virtue of not getting bogged down in a tournament arc, despite the extremely contrived nature of the mystery metal mystery.

(next week, slumming with the common folk!)

Solo Leveling, episode 4

This week, it’s Baby’s First Dungeon Grind, as Our Hero explores his menus and spends skill points to Grow Stronger, expositing all the while. The payoff is that an evening of leveling up gives him the power to save his not-girlfriend while remaining safely anonymous.

Verdict: 1/3 of the way through the season, and he’s finished the starter area. Will they get a second season that rewards the viewers for their investment? I hope so, because I want to see Esil animated.

(not this not-girlfriend; this one’s a self-rescuing princess, for the most part)

Online Pon, episode 4

In which the online game that’s sponsoring this show is prominently featured, with Our Bounceless Pon Girls playing online mahjong while sitting at a mahjong table together. On the bright side, they spend most of the episode actually playing mahjong, which is theoretically the theme of the show. Not that I know anything about the game, which makes the exaggerated dramatic moments zoom right past me. Speaking of drama, the episode ends with Girl#5 successfully stalking Our Poor Little Riiche Girl to the parlor. Fortunately she’s qualified to join the group, and by that I mean stacked. Also apparently homeless.

Note that the online game is getting its own anime in April, which is apparently its second season.

Verdict: if only the girls were, y’know, animated; and they stopped doing the man-face jokes; and they cut the volume on the This Is Comedy music.

(classical reference)

Dear Amazon,

The “Inspired by your digital shopping trends” section consists primarily of dead-tree editions of books I already purchased as ebooks. From you. Why do you think that’s a thing?

Molesting Magical Girls, episode 4

You know how Japanese men’s mags put luscious 19-year-olds in (and out of) schoolgirl outfits? Well, that reference art is clearly how the artists responsible for Our Supposedly-Fourteen Ditzy Drill-Haired Redheaded Magical Girl’s appearance this week got their inspiration. Honestly, Sulfur’s about the only member of the cast so far who could plausibly pass for under 18.

Despite the bound and bountiful cheesecake on display this week, there’s all sorts of plot crumbs being dropped. Next week, Team Dom adds a loli.

Verdict: in the words of Donna Barr, “anyone who takes this seriously deserves to”.

Metallic Kiddy Rouge Grade, episode 3

Oh, look, the bus people are back! Maybe I should have remembered their names! Or not. There’s no combat this week, just a history lesson and a bunch of random plot coupons, and a sauna scene that doesn’t even offer the hope of an unsteamed Bluray release.

Verdict: yawn; all the shallow Nean allegory is really turning me off of this show.

The Apothecary Diaries, episode 15

Monocle Guy has stopped lurking and started getting vaguely sinister. Meanwhile, Maomao plays Detective Pukeatchu and somehow manages to locate the unlabeled jar that contains the evidence; I presume it glowed when she moused over it.

Verdict: Jinshi’s inability to cope with being friendzoned is always amusing.

Solo Leveling, episode 3

I keep getting distracted by the razor sharp chins, but on the bright side, they’re giving the girls more coverage. Which is more interesting than Our Newbie Player’s discovery of how to handle status screens, skill points, and Daily Quests. Spoiler alert: Int is his dump stat.

Verdict: the rules require that we grind through this.

Slow Waifu & Sister, episode 3

In which Our Bountiful Waifu is eating for three, Our Neighbor’s Wife is working up a sweat, Our Haven’t-Seen-In-Forever Guild Girl remains competitive, Our Friendly High Elf Maiden is sticking around, Our Almost-Forgotten Muscle Dude returns, Our Masked Assistant has an unsurprising secret identity, and Our Observant Assassin is the only one to notice that something’s up.

Verdict: I think I want a spinoff show in which Tisse leads hot-springs tours for the rest of the female cast.

Frieren, episode 19

Little Miss Fan-Service is an awkward fit for this show. Fun to look at, sure, and more developed as a character than the other mages whose names I don’t even bother trying to remember, but still just a distraction from Frieren’s accidental mentoring and memories.

Verdict: I’m thinking Twintailed Redhead Hot Pants Mage should be this year’s trend. Just get us out of this forest soon, please.

Pon Starlets, episode 3

Y’know, if they’d animated this, they might have convinced someone to license it. Then again, it would still just be cute girls doing cute things making lame mahjong references. Seriously, if these chicks were D&D nerds, they’d be saying things like “wow, you really rolled a natural 20 on this curry!”.

Unrelated, Izumi was clearly switched at birth. At least Nashiko is the same species as her mom, but as for the closest thing we have to a fan-service gal, the apple fell very far from the pine tree.

Verdict: the primary virtue of this is that it’s inoffensive. No shouting, no cheat powers, no slave harem, etc. It’s just filler, the sort of thing that Steven would raid for screenshots at the end of the season.

Gourmet Side Quests, episode 3

In which I think I’m done here.

(package update…)

It arrived Friday, from UPS, but since Amazon just threw it into an envelope, the product’s lightweight unsealed box was crushed and everything fell out into the envelope. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t.

Dear Amazon,

Please quit with the phony tracking IDs. You’ve got a package that’s supposed to arrive “today by 8 PM” that was allegedly shipped via UPS, but the tracking ID isn’t even valid in their system. I’m willing to wager that when/if it does eventually arrive, that will not be the ID on the package, and the shipping label won’t say UPS.

…and after 9 PM it updated to claim “now expected by January 24”, with the possibility to request a refund on the 25th. Meanwhile, the product page claims that I could buy one in the next hour and have it on the 20th.

McPharmacist & Waifu & Sister Too, ep 2

Our Passionate Elf’s stirring defense of Our Slow-Waifing Hero sounds an awful lot like a confession. Just sayin’. Meanwhile, Our Adorable Assassinette’s mind is blown by Our Heroic Little Sister’s bro-sharing plans, revealed as part of the hot-springs fan-service competition. Oh, yeah, they also fight a big monster and feed some friendly giants.

Verdict: more bathing, please.

(and if they need a new product line, they can bottle the used hot-springs water and sell it to every man in Zoltan)

Molesting Magical Girls, episode 3

I have to respect them for committing to the premise. And if the Bluray release is any more explicit than this, they should ship it with a box of tissues.

Verdict: Kiwi-chan’s quite the showoff; I wonder if Venalita took a few pictures before recruiting her…

(there actually is some fan-art for the manga this is based on, but most of it is still quite suggestive, which shouldn’t surprise anyone)

Metallic Rouge, episode 2

In which We Suck At Undercover. Like, Really Bad.

Also, the fight music is over-the-top goofy melodrama.

Verdict: definite Kiddy Grade trainwreck vibes here. Cute gals, though.

(unrelated Night Stalker is hotter than Kolchak)