Dear Amazon,

[this late-night blog post brought to you by a blown transformer that took out power to my neighborhood for three hours tonight…]

There’s one thing you could add to your web site that would vastly increase my shopping satisfaction: a checkbox to exclude randomly-named Chinese knockoff products with obviously phony 5-star reviews.

Here are the “brands” of the top-rated (“4 Stars & Up”, with Prime!) handheld vacuum cleaners. In order:

  4. Onshowy
  5. Holife
  6. Homasy
  8. Kimitech
  9. Kimitech
  10. GOOVI
  11. Dibea
  12. NOVETE
  13. Cofuture
  14. PHYSEN
  15. MECO
  16. ONSON
  17. VacLife
  18. LOZAYI
  19. Hikeren
  20. Dibea
  21. Holife
  22. NOVETE
  23. AUELEK
  24. Aiskki
  25. Kimitech
  26. zswell
  28. TopWolf
  29. Bissell
  30. Shark
  31. Shark
  32. (16”x13” Emoticon Drawstring Backpack 12-Pack)
  33. Janker
  34. Silipower
  35. VacLife
  36. DataVac
  37. NOVETE
  38. Shark
  39. Nayamo

Seriously, the first actual recognizable brand you might find in a store other than Walmart was #29! Sure, they’re pretty much all made in the same three Chinese factories with different labels and quality-control standards, but I can’t even pronounce “EMHFLYFN”, much less get support or service from them.

To add insult to injury, take a good look at “Amazon’s Choice” box for the actual most-popular, best-selling product in this category:

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