Meet Ren. She’s an alien slave girl with a brain the size of a walnut and a heart the size of, well, something big and chest-related.

Ren, bonus postcard

This is one of the postcard-sized bonus items included with the deluxe edition of the DearS PlayStation 2 game. Notice anything odd about it, besides her rather distorted anatomy?

Let’s take a closer look:

Ren, up close and personal

Yes, the picture is printed on a rather odd sort of textured card stock. Why is that? Let’s flip the card over and find out:

Ren's backside

The text header reads “Jouzu-na fukuramase-kata”, or “how to make them expand nicely”. You are instructed to trace her breasts with a pencil or other sharp object, then use a rounded object to gently rub until they’ve expanded as desired, creating a pseudo-3D portrait. The little heart in the corner is for practicing your technique.

Once you’ve succeeded in delivering melon-pan to Ren, you can move on to card #2:

Beach melons, DearS-style

(and, yes, I own the game; I bought a Japanese PS2 a while back so I could play the game that I picked up in Osaka, the long-desired Ichigeki Sacchu!! HoiHoi-san)