Urakata: 1.11

Wait, how could she stay thin eating like this every day? Was “Aunt” Sally a plant, part of the setup for whatever game the Old Man was running on me? Was she one of us, a different model of Muse for a different kind of job? Was her just-in-time arrival to save the day part of their plan? Was I being given enough rope to hang myself out to dry or however that goes?

Or was she just a cheerfully hyperactive over-achiever who couldn’t stay still for more than two minutes at a time, who’d woken up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and raring to go on this Most Important Day? It was possible I was over-thinking this. I had a long history of not trusting other women, after all, even if I was usually the one engaged in pre-emptive back-stabbing.

I tentatively gave my new Cooking Mama the benefit of the doubt and focused on the good news: setting myself on fire had completely ruined my PJs, and I was determined that our after-school shopping trip would include finding a replacement without feet and a back-flap. Baby steps.

Poisoning your search history for fun and profit…

Nothing makes you feel dirtier than thinking about how your recent searches will look to some bored Fed who goes on a fishing expedition through your life. So, yeah, height/weight of six-year-old girls, pictures of girl’s-school uniforms from the Fifties, children’s pajamas, school schedules, single-parent adoption, shopping-mall floor plans, early home espresso machines, …

Okay, I can probably get away with that last one. The Gaggia Gilda and Faema Baby seem like the most likely types to turn up in Sally’s kitchen, enough to mark her out as being a bit more sophisticated than the typical Susie Homemaker of the era, but not peculiar.

All of this is in the service of two minor jokes. I’m not going to identify a specific machine; I just need a convoluted steam engine in the kitchen that makes a double espresso, and I wanted to make sure neither was completely out of place.

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