A long time ago, in a Usenet newsgroup far, far away, in response to a post on “Top Ten Reasons Magic is Better than Sex”, I wrote:

• Magic requires no foreplay; you can just grab a partner and start playing.
• you can switch opponents as often as you like, and no one will mind.
• brutally beating your partner is okay.
• Protection really works.
• Magic comes with a rulebook.
• parents don’t go crazy when they catch their children playing Magic with the neighbor’s kid.
• you don’t feel insecure if you have a little deck.
• you can play Magic while eating a sandwich.
• any number of people can play in a game of Magic, and everyone gets a turn.
• if your deck just isn’t working, you can blame it on the shuffle.
• Tom Wylie is easier to understand than Doctor Ruth.
• when you pay for Magic, you’re guaranteed of a good time.
• you can always get your partner to play Magic with you in public.
• you can shuffle your deck as much as you want.
• your partner can shuffle your deck, too.
• when you buy Magic, you know it’s fresh from the factory.
• when you get tired of a deck, you can make a better one.
• your neighbors won’t mind if you watch them play Magic.
• it’s okay to play Magic with your sister.
• you don’t need a battery-powered shuffler, but it’s easier than using your hands.
• you don’t have to tell your current partner about everyone you’ve ever played with.
• if you quit playing Magic and sell all of your cards, you can probably afford sex.

(I dug this out because I found the old “recently-spotted” link where someone had translated them all into Spanish. Link was still good, to my surprise.)

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