On my shopping list for Japan is a kiseru pipe and accessories for a friend. I picked up a few of the pipes as souvenirs last trip, one from a flea market and two from the ninja gift shop at Toei Studios, but now somebody actually wants to smoke one, and would prefer something purchased from an actual tobacco shop, along with a supply of the finely-minced kizami tobacco.

Which means I’ve been looking for Actual Tobacco Shops in Kyoto and Osaka, and evaluating their potential usefulness based on their online catalogs. Apparently the primary requirement for a pipe web site in Japan is Convoluted Navigation, so it can take quite a while just to find the store, much less all of its contents.

Which is a long-winded introduction to an item that is full of Fail: the Dangan Pipe.

It’s a rifle-bullet-shaped keychain that transforms into a cigarette holder and kiseru pipe. And, yes, you suck on the tip of the bullet to smoke it. I can just imagine the fun you’d have taking this little charmer through Customs in many countries, even before they take a good look at it and start thinking in terms of less-than-legal herb consumption. For more fun, the inside of the bowl is threaded, so it’s sure to collect residue from whatever High Quality Smoking Product that you’ve loaded it with.

“Oopsie Dangan Style”.