I tend to toss my Japanese spam into a folder and then try to read it when I’m feeling bored. I’ve commented in the past about trends where 90% of the stuff all falls into the same category for a while, but I recently noticed one particular subject line that’s been showing up at least twice a month for the past six months:
人妻と秘密な関係を作りませんか？
The SYSTRANS-based Apple translation widget’s English is amusing, but quite wrong: “The human wife and secret isn’t relation made?”. Google and Bing produce the exact same slightly-wrong translation: “You do not make a secret relationship with married woman?”
The thing that G&B missed is that this sort of negative question means “wouldn’t you like to”, and neither one of them lets me flag the error. Google has a very clever UI for suggesting corrections, but it’s quite shallow, limited to rearranging and selecting alternate interpretations for individual words; you can’t select between different grammar patterns. Worse, you can only flag the translation as good, bad, or inappropriate; there’s no “right words, wrong meaning” button, suggesting that literal conversion is valued over accuracy.
Anyway, back to the spam. The sender and contents that go with this subject line aren’t always identical, but being spam, there are only a few variations. Because G&B got so close on the subject line, I decided to see what one of them could do with the rest, and the results were so entertaining I think I’ll leave them as-is.
Senders (all Yahoo JP addresses):
完全無料の人妻呼び出し待合所
セックスレスな人妻の社交場
欲求不満な人妻の溜まり場はコチラ
若妻達の秘密の隠れ場です。
淫乱な人妻達が貴方のお宅へ夜這いに参ります。
【夜這い倶楽部】～完全無料～
団地妻の秘密の不倫サークルはコチラ
『団地妻の男喰い～完全無料～』
Bing translations:
Absolutely free milfs call shelter
Socializing a sexless wife
Desire frustrated married woman haunt, click here.
Is a young wife who's secret hiding place.
Nympho housewife who will come to your home.
[The yobai Club]-completely free
Secret affair circle of his estate, click here.
"Man eater of his estate-completely free"
The most interesting thing here is that “yobai” (夜這い, “creeping at night into a woman’s bedroom; sneaking visit”) is left untranslated. Second would be translating the same word “hitozuma” as “milf”, “wife”, “married woman”, and “housewife”.
Body 1:
ＳＥＸで真剣に悩んでいる人妻の為の待合所、
それが当コミュニティ『Secret Wife』です。
『夫とのセックスレス生活が長い...』
『旦那相手じゃ満足しない…』etc...
そんな人妻達が当コミュニティには多数登録中です!!
人妻との出会いを求めている方は是非当コミュニティを利用してみてください。
※人妻の皆さんは真剣に秘め事のお相手を探しているのですが、
一番重要な事は家庭を壊さずに秘め事を行なえる事なので、
その部分を理解した上でお話しを進め下さい。
(C)人妻呼び出し待合所 ～Secret Wife～
Bing translation:
The married woman suffering from serious SEX for shelter,
It is our community's Secret Wife".
"My husband and sexless life long..."
"It's against my husband not happy with..." etc.
Such married woman who is number registered in our community!
If you want to meet and a married woman to use this community come.
※ Is seriously you guys housewife looking for friends of Ah, but underneath
So such things without breaking the home the most important thing is to be Ah, but underneath
Understand that part of the talk please proceed.
(C) married woman call shelter to Secret Wife ~
Body 2:
～サークル概要～
当倶楽部の淫乱な人妻達が貴方のお宅へ夜這いに参ります。
男性は近所の夜這い希望の女性を選んで自宅又はホテルで待ってるだけ。
貴方も当倶楽部に入会して淫乱な人妻に夜這いされてみませんか？
(C)夜這い倶楽部
Bing translation:
-Overview of the circle-
Nympho housewife who at Club will come to your home.
Yobai hope neighborhood women, men only have to wait in a hotel or at home.
You join our Club, or why not been yobai nympho housewife?
(C) the yobai Club
Again with the untranslated “yobai”; this one makes it clear that it’s the women who’ll be making “sneaking visits”, not the men.
Body 3:
団地妻達の不倫パートナー募集!!
一、欲求不満な人妻達だから即ハメ確実
一、直メ・直電話で連絡が取り合える
一、待っているだけで逆ナンパされる事も
近所のあの奥さんも参加してるかも…
(C)団地妻の男喰い～完全無料～
Bing translation:
Housing wives affair partners wanted!
One, desire's unhappy wife who immediately certain POV
The straight method / touch by direct telephone contact
Waiting for the one and only reverse NANPA is also
Mrs. neighbors are participating...
Man Eater (C) apartment wife-completely free of charge-
I think “reverse nanpa” (nanpa = “seduction; picking up women”) is second only to “reverse enjo” on my list of Most Charming Delusions of Japanese Men.