Presented without comment. It just sort of popped into my head while driving to work…

"Very well, Muttley, show me the first candidate."

ON SCREEN NOW

“Is this a joke?”

HE IS EARTH’S TOP PROFESSIONAL

“He’s short, fat, and far too old for covert work.”

OBSERVE RECENT ACTION

“That’s… impressive. He’s a repulsive little animal, but quite formidable.”

HE LOVES HIS WORK

“Indiscriminately, I see. Next?”

ON SCREEN NOW

“Tough, wiry. A street fighter?”

OBSERVE RECENT ACTION

“Brutal, a bit wild, but controllable. Not bad at … Stop. Left shoulder, zoom and enhance. Is that a prison tattoo?”

MULTIPLE ARRESTS, ONE CONVICTION

“He allowed himself to be captured alive. That sort of weakness makes him a security risk. Next?”

ON SCREEN NOW

“Too skinny. I could snap him in half with my bare hands. Next?”

HE’S HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

“By the League of Sensitive New-Age Guys, I suppose? Next.”

OBSERVE RECENT ACTION

“Don’t make me shoot you. Next, Muttley.”

ON SCREEN NOW

“Now that’s a warrior! African?”

AMERICAN MARINE, CURRENTLY ON LEAVE

“Details.”

ON SECONDARY SCREEN

“Decorated for bravery, volunteered for second combat tour, loyal to his comrades, intelligent, resourceful, cool under fire, apolitical, no close family. Good-looking beast, too. Yes, he’ll do nicely.”

ALSO LIKES DOGS

“Don’t push your luck. You should have shown me this one first.”

SORRY BOSS

“Never mind, you did well. Have him here within 24 hours. I really don’t want to take those pills this year.”

“Kishishishishi…”