First, I’d like to thank you for responding to my negative review of your JoyJolt borosilicate glass mugs that exploded in my hands, sent shards of glass flying around the kitchen, and cut my palm.

Now, as for your request:

Hi,

Firstly, let me start off by thanking you for purchasing the glasses from me. We are a small business that unlike the other corporate sharks out there, we actually care and are committed that each and every customer that buys from us should have the ultimate 5-star experience.

I also personally want to apologize that you haven’t had the best experience with the glasses

Please note that while reviews are vital to customers in order to be able to base their buying decisions on Amazon, however at the same time 1-3 negative reviews can be enough to destroy the product causing tremendous loss to my company. I have reviewed your complaint and promise to make the necessary corrections in order to improve the quality and features you mentioned.

I therefore humbly ask you to find a place in your heart to kindly update the negative comment you left on my glasses.

Please find a replacement set enclosed,

Please kindly visit the following link to reconsider your opinion, you’ll find options to “Edit” or “Delete” your comment:

Thanks so much for helping me and my family out.

May God bless you!

Sincerely,

Mike

“Mike” from “New Jersey”, this is what we like to call a form letter. As such things go, it’s not a very good one. Not because of the lack of letterhead or signature, the poor grammar and punctuation and sudden font-size change that I didn’t reproduce above, or the missing hyperlink that I couldn’t have clicked on anyway because it was a piece of paper, but for two very specific reasons:

• your product exploded in my hands

• you sent me another set just like the first one

Hey, it’s great to hear that you’ll “make the necessary corrections” to improve quality, but you haven’t done that yet, which means you sent me more exploding glassware. Think it through, Mike: it’s not like they arrived broken or the handle fell off; a cup shattered and sent razor-sharp shards of glass around the room while I was hand-washing it.

You know, in my hands. The cut’s completely healed now, but I found another small piece of broken glass on the floor of my kitchen today. That would be the kitchen I tend to walk around barefoot in.

I’m sure that when the next container full of glassware arrives from China, you’ll do a little more inspection in your Brooklyn office, Martin. Oh, wait, that’s right, JoyJolt is in New York, not New Jersey where you shipped the package from, and it’s owned by a man named Martin Mittelman, not some struggling independent family guy named Mike.

And while your “Essential Products USA” Marketplace storefront does show an address in New Jersey that matches where your package came from, it also lists you as “MM Products Inc” (…as in Martin Mittelman, perhaps?), and everything you sell is from JoyJolt, and your address is a ~19,000-square-foot former post office that apparently sold for $2.6 million in September, 2020.

If you’re still with me, “Mike”, I hope you’ll understand that I won’t be removing my negative review of the attractive-yet-explodey double-walled coffee mugs I purchased. Nor will I be trying out the replacement set you sent that even by your own admission is no safer than the last ones.

Have a nice day.

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