Living in the world you made...
It’s a pity that when you beat the Big Bad in Breath of the Wild, you don’t get to live in the world you’ve made (unless you count the sequel that’s coming next year…). Like all soldiers returning from war, Link has picked up some behaviors that don’t translate well to peacetime, and mastered many skills that there would no longer be much use for. I figure Zelda will quickly become so exasperated with him that she’ll welcome the next catastrophe:
Habit Is A Cable
“Link, no! I just bought that vase!”
“It might have rupees in it.”
“Link, stop! Those crates are filled with supplies!”
“I certainly hope so.”
“Link, that belongs to someone! And you already have four of them.”
“I need five.”
“Link, those apples are offerings to the guardian deities!”
“...and darn tasty.”
Field Rations
“Link, what’s for dinner?”
“Apples and a radish.”
“Link, what’s for dinner?”
“Bananas and an egg.”
“Link, what’s for dinner?”
“Seeds and butter.”
“Link, what’s for dinner?”
“Fish and acorns.”
“Wait, what happened to all those gourmet meat skewers you made this morning?”
“I sold them to buy Ancient Weapons.”
“But you get two-and-a-half times as much for cooking molduga guts with a sunset firefly!”
...
...
...
"I'll be right back.”
Oh, thank goodness I didn’t tell him about lynel guts and a tireless frog!
Everything Looks Like A Nail
“Link, what are you doing?!?”
“Chopping firewood.”
“Picking fruit.”
“Opening boxes.”
“Fishing.”
“Hunting.”
“Mining.”
“Gathering honey.”
Girls Night Out
“Let me get this straight; I’ve been wearing the same dress for a hundred years, while your wardrobe fills five closets? And what’s with the dancing-girl outfit?”
“Gerudo bouncers don't card chicks.”
“By the way, I was looking through the pictures you took on my Shiekah Slate. Who’s this half-naked tramp you had bent over a pedestal?”
“She was like that when I got there. I had to buy her a drink so she’d leave.”
“And all these pictures of the Gerudo child-queen?”
“Child? Have you seen the hips on that gal?”
“Also, she's the only one there who isn't literally twice my height.”
Marking Points Of Interest
Pixiv artist Jewel (NSFW) demonstrates proper target acquisition…
Yeah, that was my reaction to seeing her bent over in those pants, too. Ditto the handling of Beedle…
🎶 🎶 🎶
Well she is just 17,
and you know what that means:
if you grab that ass,
you’re goin’ straight to ja-ail.
Now you’ll have to dance with Curse Ganon,
oooh, before you get that phat tail.
🎶 🎶 🎶
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