Tuesday, January 31 2017

Dear Morgan Stanley,

This is a terrible list of possible security questions.

Insecurity questions

How many of these questions are trivial to answer for anyone with even a small social-media presence? How many of the rest are things that people over 30 probably don’t even remember? And seriously, zip code? Date of birth? Last four digits of SSN? To stop someone from trying to break into my brokerage account?!?

How about these, instead?

  • Who do you most regret voting for?
  • Who would you go to jail for sex with?
  • What’s the ugliest car you’ve ever seen?
  • What pistol do you keep by the bed?
  • What’s the name of the first person you begged for sex?
  • Did it work?
  • What do you only wear when no one else is around?
  • Lid up, lid down, seat down, or “Asian squat toilet”?
  • What’s the most ridiculous food fad?
  • What do you keep losing?
  • What does cilantro taste like to you?
  • What was the first thing you had surgically removed?
  • Where do you usually masturbate?
  • What foreign country would you never visit?
  • What historical figure would you travel back in time to kill?
  • What’s your favorite smell?
  • What part of your body was involved in your first emergency room visit?
  • What celebrity would you clone?
  • What’s your favorite food you can’t find any more?
  • What’s the worst injury you ever caused by accident?
  • Who would you lock up and throw away the key?
  • What superpower would you abuse the most?

Don’t answer in the comments, or I’ll steal your identity…